The End Is Just The Beginning: The Story of Henry Part 7

* If you didn't catch my last post, you can read it here. The Story Of Henry Part 6 It had a lot of medical info if you're interested in that kind of stuff.

It's kind of strange writing about the end of Henry's birth story and our  NICU adventure when I've just brushed his teeth, and he grabs my hand and says, "Come on, Mom. Let's play!"

Yup, talking in full sentences and being just a regular 2 year old.

The baby, who I barely got to touch when he was born, now hangs on me most of the day and smothers me with wet kisses. Love those wet kisses.

I'm writing this final installment, knowing that Henry's story ended well. At the time, though,  Andy and I didn't know how things would turn out.We didn't know if Henry would have feeding problems or speech and motor delays. These were all the things that preemies suffer from. We knew he was improving; but we still didn't know how much longer we would be living what we called our Bizarro Life. Life around us was moving forward; yet we were standing still.

The first week of August brought more visitors and an uexpected bend in the road.

Andy had to go back to work during this time; but we also took some time out for fun. We still had another child to take care of. Lily needed us, too. Henry wasn't critical and I really needed to spend time with my girl and get her ready for preschool.

Going to Howarth Park with Papa.

Spending some quality time with Dad.

More visitors: Aunt Clare and Auntie Anna

Every time I came in, I got to feed him, change him and take his temp.

 No more feeding tube!! Woo Hoo!

Why do I look so happy? It's August 5th and we have received the best news.
Henry can come home!!

On August 3rd, Henry reached another one of his milestones: At 37 days old he had reached his 5 pound mark!!! He was 5 pounds, 1/2 ounce. After this milestone, things moved along quickly. He was doing great with feedings, had been maintaining his own temperature for awhile, his A's and B's were great and now he was big enough to go home.

His sweet nurses made him a cake and brought it in to celebrate reaching his 5 pound milestone.

Now he just had to pass his car seat test and he was good to go.

So, on August 5th (our 11th wedding anniversary), we got the official green light. He was coming home the next day. It was one of the best anniversaries we've ever had.

After 39 days in the hospital, at just over 5 pounds, Henry Christopher was coming home to stay.

So here are the stats for me:

• 4 weeks on bedrest (not so bad compared to other friends of mine). 
• 3 weeks in the hospital
• 2nd c-section
• 5 weeks of living in Roseville
• 2 months from when our adventure began to when Henry could come home.

And for Henry:

• Born 10 weeks early
• Started at 3 pounds, 10 ounces. 
• Came home at just over 5 pounds.
• One heart murmur
• One enlarged kidney. (The heart murmur and enlarged kidney all took care of themselves. By his due date, the kidney issue had resolved itself.)

This leg in our journey was over; but the story of Henry's life was just beginning. His birth had changed our family forever. We had gone through emergency surgery, a job change, having to be separated from Lily, my mom suffering from a stroke, being 2 hours away from our family and friends, and not knowing from one day to the next what was in store. I was not sure how we had endured the last 2 months; but our family was complete now. August 6th, 2011, was such the sweetest day.

 Hanging out in Henry's room, waiting for the car seat test.

 See those monitors behind me? I was glad to leave those behind for good and  a little scared. I wouldn't be able to depend on them anymore.

 The bags under my eyes tell a story! I do like this picture because this was my last time to feed Henry in the hospital.

 My poor, sweet Andy. I see the exhaustion in his face. Best husband ever!

 Ready to go home.

 Last check-up by the Doc.

 Um... he looks so ridiculously small here. Amazing.

 Last walk down this hallway.............

Though reliving this experience through writing my blog posts have been hard and emotional at times, it's been such a great time for me to talk to God and thank Him again for walking me through this time in my life. While life went on and we've gone through all the normal phases that you go through with children: crawling, walking, talking, terrible twos (still going through that, by the way), and now potty training, I am constantly reminded of the miracle that God let us experience. It was a gift, truly.

And here is where I get emotional, where my chest tightens, and the tears cannot be stopped. Why? Because God taught me so much and showed me in such a real and undeniable way how much He loves me, loves Andy, loves Lily, loves Henry. He showed me that our lives are not in vain; they have a purpose. They have real worth and value. We are here to glorify God. Pretty simple; but pretty powerful.

Others have not had to experience what I've had; but so many have had to endure so much more. They've felt deeper pain and have experienced loss that I cannot fathom. It is not lost on me how lucky we are. But this is my story. I truly believe God wants us to share our stories, traumatic or not!! It will touch someone, encourage someone. Someone needs to hear it.

I hope Henry's story encourages whoever reads this. I know my kids will read this someday. These words I've written are my stones of rememberance, for me and for my family.

 And then we came home.

 The Grandmas are enamored.

 Hanging out with Grandpa.

 Just a little perspective.

 So good to be home.

What I've learned about me, about God.

I'm so incredibly lucky to have the husband I have. Lucky. Blessed. You have no idea. He made our life work when I could do nothing. Some days, I felt like I was literally falling apart. He held me up. Andy is such an unselfish person. He's strong and sacrificial. I didn't even touch the iceberg of all that Andy went through, gave up, and endured on our adventure. He was the rock when I was weak. He went through a stressful job change and the stress of keeping our family together. Words are just not enough.

God is good. I can't say that enough. Through the scary, bad, painful, happy and amazing parts of life, He never changes. He can never do "more good" or be "less good". It's just who He is. He wants to bring things into our lives for our good.

God wanted more of me. I was (and am working on this) a lazy Christian. I'm just going to be honest. My prayer life was sporadic, my quiet time  not much to speak of (I'm still working on these!!), my priorities were out.....of....whack. I had been letting petty thoughts, insecurities, and feelings run my life. I was not finding my value in God. My focus, most of the time, was not on Him.I know this is not the only reason why God turned our lives upside down; but I know it is one reason. He wanted desperately to get my attention. He got it.

I've learned it's okay to be alone sometimes. When I am lonely, He wants me to turn to Him.  I am learning this right now, actually!! When I am at my end, that's when I need Him most. That's when He begins to speak to me and I can begin to hear Him over all the other distractions in my life. If I found my contentment in others all the time, I would never need Him. I believe God really missed me sometimes. 

I saw, I believe, just a sliver of a glimpse of God's glory, His power. We talk about Him being holy and good and great; but we have no idea. Sometimes, we forget that He is the God of Moses, who shook Mt. Sinai with his fire and smoke. If we were to but truly see Him we would fall flat on our faces.

Life is a miracle. Every life. To see a baby before it's supposed to be out of the womb. To see Henry's ultra thin skin and skinny limbs. To watch his heart beat and physically see it move up and down on his chest, working so hard for each breath. To see a baby before it's "done". To be able to witness first hand what most people don't see because the fetus is still growing in the womb is nothing short of a miracle. I felt, that in some, small, minute way, I'd seen the power of God. We are made in His image and here was His creation, not supposed to be born yet, miraculously growing. Still being knit together. So intricate, so strong, so delicate, so complicated, so beautiful. Such a masterpiece that could only be made by a Creator. What a privelege to be able to witness that.

I feel honored to be Henry's mom, to be Lily's mom, to be Andy's wife. I'm thankful for what I have. I'm not always thankful. I'm not perfect. Due to several issues, I think Henry is the last baby I will be able to carry. I'm thankful for what God gave me and I don't wish for things to be different or better or easier. Things are just as they are supposed to be.

Here's a few more special pictures and some pictures of us getting into our groove and figuring what our new normal is. These pictures make me smile.

Now I  had to get up to do all the middle of the night feedings.

 Being able to dress him up in all his preemie (and eventually newborn) clothes was something I had been looking forward to doing.

 Okay, H looks a little creepy here because he has zero neck muscle control; 

but I love this picture because of Lily's expression.

 She was so thrilled to touch and kiss him.

 She was and still is the perfect big sister. I love this girl!

 First bath at home.

Meeting Jackson

 Meeting Great Grandma Joyce

I watch Lily and Henry from my living room window, as I write this final post of Henry's birth story, his amazing entry into this life. They are running back and forth across our lawn, their blonde hair bobbing up and down, as their muscles move them forward at such a tremendous speed. They are laughing and shouting and playing. My heart is not just full, it aches with joy.

My story ended well with Henry. He is doing great. Besides his petite size, you'd never know he was a preemie. We did have issues with him keeping his food down for several months. I had to keep him away from crowds for several months because he would be prone to getting sick with his immature respiratory system. I was still nervous. He stayed healthy and I am so thankful for that.

He is my little miracle and always will be. But now I see that my life is full of miracles. All around me. Every day. I just have to open my eyes and see what God is doing all the time. This experience was defining in my life; but God is not done with me yet. I hope there are more amazing God experiences in my life. I also know there is more joy and sorrow in this life; but my prayer is that what God taught me will carry me through the valley and mountains that are sure to come.

I have a very ordinary life. Yes, we had a couple of years of extraordinary to be sure. There is no denying that. Our life now is about as normal as it gets. So maybe the biggest lesson I've learned so far, since I've had Henry is that God uses ordinary, lazy, weak people to show His extraordinary power. That is what makes my life special and full of meaning.

 Some Firsts:

 

First Christmas

 First Birthday

The Waiting Game: The Story of Henry Part 6

Remember how two years ago I started writing Henry's birth story? I knew I would finish one day. I just didn't think he would be going on 3 years old when I did.

Well, let me just blame life, in general, for this inexcusable hiatus. In particular...... having two kids, having a very active toddler, job change #3 for Andy (but that is such a good thing, a God story if there ever was one!), and homeschooling for the first time. Oh, and did I mention having two kids?!?

Why now, why today? Why on this sunny March day did I decide to finally park my rear end down in front of the computer and finish the story?

It was a couple of things actually. First, our very good friends just spent 4 days in the ICU with their 21 month old son. He had brain surgery and did amazingly well. We went to visit them in the hospital and the minute I saw my friend, my heart melted. Even though we hadn't gone through the same exact situation, I could instantly read the exhaustion in her face. I could feel the fear and axiety she had been feeling. I had felt that, too.

Also, I've been reading a lot of other preemie birth stories lately. They've inspired me to finish Henry's story.

You can read Parts 1-5 here Henry's Story Part 1, Story of Henry Part 2, The Story of Henry Part 3 ,Story of Henry Part 4, and Story of Henry Part 5 to get caught up or refresh your memory.

There's something about being home. Whether it's after a busy day or a long trip, there is something comforting in seeing familiar faces and places. Except for 2 very short visits, I had not been home in 5 1/2 weeks. There is something so wonderful about sleeping in your own bed, being able to walk to your refrigerator any time you want, even being able to pump in the comfort of your own living room, on your couch, watching TV. (Don't get me wrong. I still hated pumping; but doing it in Santa Rosa and not Roseville, made things a little better!)

Once we were back in Santa Rosa, we still didn't know how long Henry would be in the NICU. He had just reached the 4 pound mark and we knew that he still had some big milestones to reach before he could leave; but we were home.

One of the greatest things about being back in Santa Rosa were that friends and family were able to visit. My parents and oldest sister and brother - in- law had not seen Henry yet. Lily had been in Roseville with us for the past 3 weeks; but she hadn't been allowed in the NICU. Only siblings over 12 had been allowed in. Now that Henry was in the Santa Rosa Kaiser, just 15 minutes from our house, many of our family members were finally able to meet Henry. The meeting I was most excited for was Lily getting to meet her baby brother. So on  July 20th, 2011, Lily got to meet Pickles Bean for the first time. It was love at first sight.

The Santa Rosa NICU was much smaller than Roseville's. Just two babies to a room instead of six.

Her sweet little face is pure joy to me.

That is love!

He was only 4 pounds here!

This is one of my all- time favorite pictures.

Henry is wearing a preemie onesie here. Just a tad bit big!!

Though my parents had been up to see me and bring Lily to visit when I had been on bedrest in the hospital, they were not able to come up when Henry was born. Among all the crazy circumstances of Henry's birth, I never would have guessed what was going on back at home as I was having a baby. At just about the same time I was being rushed into the OR at one o'clock in the morning in Roseville, Andy and Lily were fast asleep in Santa Rosa (though, they were supposed to come up later that day) and my mom was on her way to the hospital. She was having a stroke. She was fine; but couldn't travel. So now, after 3 weeks, my parents were able to meet their grandson.

Now that we were in Santa Rosa, I felt like we had hurdled another milestone. Like I said earlier, I didn't know when we could take Henry home; but I knew we were one step closer. By this time, Andy had started his new job as a dispatcher for the Sonoma County's Sheriff''s office. I was traveling back and forth to the hospital, sometimes with Lily, sometimes alone. We were just waiting.

There are 4 requirements for a preemie baby to come home: Breathe without oxygen, take all feedings by mouth, maintain a stable body temperature, and outgrow A's and B's,
There was one more requirement. And I don't know if this varies from hospital to hospital; but he also had to be at least 5 pounds.

Breathing. Henry only needed oxygen the first few days of his life. Then he breathed completely on his own. Thankfully, he never had to be intubated. The last four things on the list above were what we were waiting on. Every baby is different and there was no definite timetable. So we just waited.

Feeding. Preemies receive gavage feeding (through an NG tube) because they aren't ready to do it themselves. They cannot suck for one. They aren't supposed to be able to do that yet! So in all our newborn pictures, he has a little tube taped to his cheek running through his nose. Henry got fed, every three hours, on the dot. When we got to Santa Rosa though, he did start drinking from a bottle. (Though at this time.... 2 years later, I don't remember exactly how many weeks old he was.) This is one of the first pics I have of him taking a bottle. He was almost 4 weeks old here (or almost 34 weeks in utero). After one feeding by the bottle, he'd be so tired out that the next one would be done by the NG tube. Sometimes, he would start with the bottle and finish with tube because it took so much out of him to suck from the bottle.

Temperature. Like all the other milestones, this is different for every baby. It wasn't anything we could hurry along. There was nothing we could do to make it go faster. Henry was going to hurdle these obstacles in his own time. He had been in an isolet, which is completely contained, so that the temperature could be regulated.  He was not able to keep himself warm yet. Again, he wasn't supposed to. I was supposed to be doing that for him! He was still in an isolet when he came to Santa Rosa.

 This is him in his isolet in Roseville.

One day Andy and I walked into his room and I was stunned. He was in an open crib! I was so suprised and elated. On July 29th, at 4 pounds 11 oz, he was able to maintain his body temperature. We were one step closer to going home!

 Big boy in his open crib.

 Skin to skin time is super important. I would just put his little naked boy under my shirts, even with his cords still hooked up to his monitors.

 About 4 weeks (or 34 weeks in utero) old.

Ok, now here's an interesting little factoid. On July 29th, Henry was a little over 34 1/2 weeks (or 4 weeks old, for reals). He weighed 4 pounds 11 oz. Lily, who was born 4 weeks early (at 36 weeks), was 5 pounds 3 oz. when she was born; but was 4 pounds 11 oz. when she came home from the hospital.

Two thoughts go through my mind. #1 How big would Henry be if he had gone full term?!?! And #2 Why in the world did they let me bring Lily home at 4 pounds 11 oz.? I think she should have been in the NICU!!!

At this point we were waiting for his weight gain, his ability to feed on his own and his A'a and B's.
What are A's and B's? They stand for Apnea and bradycardia. Apnea means a period in which breathing stops. In premature babies, apnea is any pause in breathing that lasts longer than 20 seconds, causing bradycardia, or a drop in the baby’s blood oxygen level.  Which also means a slowed heart rate. (Yup, I googled this part. I understand it, of course, but I have a hard time explaining it.)

In premature babies, apnea and bradycardia often occur together, along with low blood oxygen levels. First, apnea occurs and the baby will stop breathing. Because the baby isn’t breathing, blood oxygen levels will fall. The heart slows down in response to the low blood oxygen levels. Together, apnea and bradycardia are often called “As and Bs” or "spells", and a low blood oxygen level is often called a desaturation or “desat.”

This just happens because the baby is immature. It's brain is immature and can't tell the baby to breathe, so he/she doesn't. Or the muscles aren't strong enough to keep the airways open. Whenever, Henry's levels would drop, the machine he was hooked up to (by about 9 cords) would ding. A nurse would come check on him and he would always start breathing again. The dinging probably jolted him awake.

Oh, the dinging!

Any NICU mommy or daddy know exactly what I'm talking about.

We hate the dinging

You know that when the dinging stops, you are so close to going home. So, when you hear the dinging, you know you'll be staying in the NICU for at least 5 more days. (Henry had to go 5 days, without any As or Bs spells. AKA= No dinging!)

 Starting to wake up a little. Opening his eyes a lot more.

No one imagines the first few weeks of life with your brand new precious baby to be like this. You never dream that you'll have to untangle a mess of chords to just hold your baby. Or that every night, you'll have to leave your baby, in a hospital room, while you go back to your room or travel home for the night.

You feel, quite honestly, a little jipped. It seems unfair and it makes your heart hurt.

But the amazing thing is you have these tremendous victories that many parents take for granted. It gives you such a different perspective. You see life at it's most fragile. It's amazing and it's beautiful.

 I started writing Henry's story for a few reasons: So I wouldn't forget, so Henry would know one day, so that others could see how great and good God is.

Now, two years later, I'm still writing for those reasons. I've also come to realize how sharing your story can help others. When we keep the amazing details of our life to ourselves, we may be missing an opportunity to encourage someone who is going through the same thing. Maybe another mom, right now, is sitting in the NICU wondering when her baby will come home. Maybe she'll stumble across my blog and be encouraged. I don't know.

The next post will be my last about this particular chapter in my life. Yes, it has a good ending.

Henry Christopher, here's some pictures of some your special visitors. (Not all of them.)

 Papa and Mimi.

 This guy is not a visitor, but I like how happy your daddy looks.

 My sister, Doreen. My kids call her Nana.

 Uncle Pete.

Auntie Clue!!

*My other sister and brother - in - law had flown from Colorado to see us the week Henry was born. I think I was a little out of it still because I have no pictures!

Henry Update:: 2 1/2 Years Old

Today this guy turns 2 1/2. He's still as busy as ever; but now he's talking! Really talking. The past 6 months have gone from phrases that were understandable about 50 percent of the time to full on sentences..... that are understandable about 50 percent of the time! Ha! Okay, maybe a little more than 50 percent.

He loves trains, still. Even more I think. Especially Thomas and Diesel 10.

He equally loves Mickey Mouse. He's been watching the Mickey Mouse Halloween special about once a day since October. He calls it Malloween.

He's so happy. Always laughing. Though in the same minute he can be in the depths of despair crying crocodile tears. I love my passionate little guy.

He loves hotdogs, chocolate milk ("coco milk"), cheese sticks, "hazza" (aka pizza) and strawberries ("babas"). He loves horsie back rides, dancing, going "bye-bye", going to the grandparent's house (both sets), painting with water colors, coloring, and putting little things inside of other things.

He loves, loves Dee Dee (Lily). She loves her "little baby". These two are besties right now and I absolutely love it. One of their favorite things to do is sit on the heater together in the morning with their blankets. Oh, and his blanket........ this little square of blue fabric..........he can't go to bed without his "kies". He's like Linus.

He's always got a mischievious smile on his face. He's always up to something (or into something); but it is never a dull moment around here. And I kinda like it that way.

Some of the things we love to hear him say right now...............

Whose that, whose that? (What's that?)

Where's Daddy at? (or Dee Dee or JJ )

JJ (Jackson), quiet!!!!

Sowwy, mom! (Followed by a kiss.) He's a good little kisser!!!

I've Got Plenty To Be Thankful For

I wasn't going to blog today. It's a holiday after all. 

After reading a few blog posts today, though, I was inspired. I was inspired to look a little deeper and really search my heart to what has truly made me more grateful this year.  Maybe think of the not so obvious. So here goes.....

1. I'm thankful for my dog, Jackson. He's 11. He's a rascal. We can't let him in the house anymore when we eat because he's a blatant food thief. He doesn't get along well with any other dog. He's constantly under my feet. And I just love my little old man of a dog. He's really quite a beautiful dog. He's super smart, too. A pest at times; but he's my loyal sidekick. I know he won't be with us forever. I'm just about ready to cry as I type this. He was my first love (besides Andy, of course). He's given us so many funny memories of his naughty antics. My kids call him JJ. He's a nut job; but he's my nut job.

2. I'm thankful for friendships renewed. I reconnected with college girlfriends this summer. For four days in Pennsylvania, we stayed in a bed and breakfast together. It was a renovated farm house in Amish country. It was gorgeous. I hadn't seen many of them in 13 years!!! We picked up right where we left off. Those girls know me in a way that no one else does. I love them with all my heart. They are part of the reason I am who I am today. That was such an unexpected gift. I am truly grateful for that experience.

3. Facebook. Ughhh!!!! Facebook really annoys me sometimes. There is a lot of oversharing that gets under my skin. But............... I love posting random funny things about my kids. I love seeing pictures of my friends and their kids, especially those who live far away. I like, in some way, being a part of loved one's lives when we just live too far away from each other. I can't call every childhood or college friend or a friend who has moved away on the phone each week. That would be impossible. Facebook does let you keep up with them. I just think we need to pick up the phone, too.


4. I'm thankful for loud children. There is a lot of screaming in my house. I'd say 50/50 happy/frustrated. But to me, the screaming (when it's happy) means there is joy running around my house with it's pants off. When it's not so happy, it just means we are living life. My house is full of life, happiness, tears, giggles, messes, silliness, biting (this is the new development), chaos, sweet tender moments. I love it all. It makes us, us. I wouldn't change it for the world. Though a day of pure silence would be nice!

5. I am so thankful that both our parents are a) alive  b) married (one for 40 years, the other 38) c) live in town (Andy's live 2 blocks away) d) are strong Christians who have passed down the legacy of the Gospel to us, their kids. Who are imparting this wisdom and truth to their grand kids. Greatest gift ever. 


6. My sister, Patricia, is my prayer warrior. I know my mom, my dad, my in-laws and friends pray for me as well. My sister, though, should be wearing armor. That girl knows how to get on her knees. I love her "impossible prayers" because God is a God of impossible prayers. She lives too far away.


7. My husband, my daughter, my son. They are my life. I'd do anything for them. They love me unconditionally. They make my heart beat. Words can't describe the depth of my love. They made me the parts of me I love best, a wife, a mother. Besides my worth in Christ, they pretty much make me who I am.

8. My identity in Christ. That truly makes me who I am. I can't separate being a Christian from being Jen, the mom, the wife, the teacher, whatever. My faith is not a religion or thing I do. It defines me. It's my reason for walking on this earth, breathing each breath. With out Christ and his salvation, this life would be it for me. There would be nothing beyond that. I'd have no real purpose, no real joy, no real hope. Whatever I do, whether it's cleaning the dishes, writing a post for my blog, raising my kids, loving my husband, it all comes back to who I am in Christ. He's my Heavenly Father. He loves me more than I can comprehend. He has a purpose for me being here on this earth. Each day for all my days. It's not always the same. He shows me His will for the different parts of my life. One purpose never changes, though, and this is to give Him glory. To praise Him. To worship Him.

9. I am also so thankful that God doesn't give me what I want all the time. I don't know what's good for me most of the time. He does, though.


10.  And to end this on a funny note because hey, why not? I'm thankful that I'm almost 40! Ouch! Typing that actually hurt. Why?? Well besides knowing I will have a party that is off the hook (Yup, I just said that.), I'm a bit relieved. I used to think 40 was so old. Pashaw! I feel like spring chicken! Ok, most days I feel like someone should push me around in a wheel chair. But really, there is so much more I want to do in life. Places I want to go, memories I want to make, things I want to accomplish. I feel like I'm just starting. 


There is so more to be thankful for. This has been a good place to start.