Never Really Alone: The Story of Henry Part 1

Our Little Miracle

C.S. Lewis said, “Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.”

And a miracle is what entered our lives on June 29^th at 1:20 a.m. Coming in at a whopping 3 pounds and 10 ounces and stretching out to 15 ¾ inches, Henry Christopher Bauer entered this world. Though at the time he was just Baby Boy Bauer or Pickles Bean as his big sister called him.

I’m writing this 4 months later and already I’m on the verge of tears. Thinking about how this amazing tiny person has now grown into a healthy 10 pound baby astounds me. When I think back on the events of that night and the many weeks to follow I’m overwhelmed by the faithfulness of my God and so grateful that He brought our family safely through this storm. I’m also overwhelmed in remembering the fear, the fatigue and uncertainty of that time.

I’ve been wanting to blog about several other things over the past months. But I knew I needed to write about this first. Or else it would be like an unfinished story. Writing about this seemed like such a large task to me that I finally needed to take the plunge and just do it or I would just never blog again!

Though I’ll spare you every nitty gritty detail here goes……

Andy had been by my side for weeks. But, he finally had to go home for fresh clothes. He was also going to pick up Lily and bring her back with him. If you read my earlier posts, you know how hard it had been for us to be away from her. He was going to be gone for one night, coming back the very next day. While Andy was home he got called in for an interview for a new job as a dispatcher for the sheriff’s office. Now, Andy was a deputy at this point; but circumstances (which is subject for a whole other post at some other time) made it necessary that he take this new job. So instead of coming back that evening we decided he should just stay the night, go to his interview and then drive up with Lily afterwards.

My biggest fear was that Baby Boy would come when Andy was not there. I feared I would be alone. But I had started to feel a little confident at this point. I hadn’t bled in several days and I seemed stable. The next five weeks just stretched out in front of me. I saw a lot of sitting, reading and cross stitching.

This was not to be. At about one o’clock the next morning, I woke up out of a deep sleep. I could feel it…. I was bleeding. It wasn’t like the other times. This was bad. I pushed my red nurses’ button; but stumbled right away to the bathroom. There I pulled on the emergency chord. I’ll spare my few readers all the gory details, but when several nurses and the doctors rush in and I was promptly hoisted onto a gurney. I knew the time had come. My biggest fear had come true. I was going to have a baby at 30 weeks and Andy wasn’t there.

Thankfully I only had about 15 minutes to worry; but in those 15 minutes my mind was racing and my heart was pounding. I was crying frantically but I managed to call Andy on my cell phone to tell him what was happening so he could drive up there as soon as he could. I remember thinking a few things: First of all, “This can’t be happening. I cannot have a baby this early.” Then honestly, and I don’t like to dwell on this thought ever but, I thought, “What if I didn’t make it? What if the baby didn’t make it? What if I didn’t see Andy or Lily ever again? Please Lord, let us be okay! I want to hold my son and see Andy and Lily again.” I felt very alone and scared. But in all the chaos, the voices of the nurses, the blurry mass of faces, the tugging and pulling, the frustration of not being able to speak with the oxygen mask over me, there was this little quiet voice that assured me, “Jen, you are not really alone.”

The last thing I remember hearing is someone saying, “You are going to feel a little pressure on your chest.” The next thing I knew I was waking up in the recovery room with two nurses next to me. “How is he?” I asked. He was fine. Everything was okay. God had chosen to answer my desperate prayer.

The story isn’t over yet; but I think this is a good place to stop. As this is November, the month we all seem to focus on being thankful. I’m thankful for my little Miracle. He is evidence of God’s perfect creation and the sanctity of Life. I am so thankful for my family and each day I get to spend with them. The hard days, the happy days, and even the mundane. I am most thankful for a God that never leaves us. He is unconditionally faithful. He holds our hand and wraps his loving arms around us. With Him we are never truly alone.