The past couple of weeks have been well, eventful. That's not the best word; but it will have to do.
About a week and a half ago, Andy and I found out that we are having a boy! I think there was a collective "Hazah!" from the general public as most of our friends and family were pulling for a boy or had a "feeling". I had no such feelings and didn't care either way (but secretly I was hoping for a boy).
While that ultrasound showed a very healthy baby with all the appropriate parts, it also showed "something" on one of his kidneys. Thankfully, they were able to get us in for another ultrasound less than a week later. But I have to say, the next 5 days were been some of the hardest, if not the hardest of my life.
Of course doctors have to give you all the possibilities and worst case scenarios, all the while saying, "We don't want you to be alarmed." I'm a worrier....big time. And here I was with 5 whole days to worry myself into an ulcer. I won't lie....I worried. But I also did something else I hadn't done for awhile. I searched for Scripture that talked about not having fear, God's peace which is unlike the world's, and God's love for me. Surprise, surprise....it worked! Imagine that! Scripture is powerful just like God says.
I took those Scriptures on the car ride into San Francisco and in the waiting room. And in the midst of my pounding heart, and that weird unsettling feeling of the absolutely unknown, I felt peace. I heard the words over and over again, "Do not be afraid. Do not be afraid. Do not be afraid."
So, my little guy is okay; but he does have a mild obstruction in his left kidney. I won't go into all the details; but it's not a serious condition and could change before he's born. If not, it's a very fixable thing that many times can be taken care of with antibiotics when he is born. They see this problem (more so with boys) and often the babies are born with no problems. There's nothing that can be done until he's born and most importantly, he's developing fine and in all other areas, completely healthy. We do have to go back for another ultrasound in 10 weeks.
So for the next 10 weeks, I'm choosing not to worry. Because it is a choice. Will I be successful? Well...I've already had a few slip ups. But I am constantly reminded of what my wise sister said to me, "Now God wants to know if you are going to give this over to Him. If you are going to daily lay it at His feet." She said this to me before I knew exactly what the situation was and I had many questions. While many of my questions have now been answered and my mind has been eased, there is still that little "What if?" I hate those pesky "What ifs" that linger in the back of your mind!
There are a couple of things I definitely don't wonder or worry about. I don't wonder if God loves me or Andy or our little boy. I don't wonder if it's all a crazy accident because I know my whole life has been planned carefully by God. As I look forward to Easter tomorrow, I am vividly reminded at just how much God loves me. His ultimate sacrifice, his Only Son, is the greatest possible declaration of His love for all of us. I'm so thankful He called me to be one of His own. I'm so thankful that my God is real, alive, and powerful. Happy Easter!
