A Matter of Perspective

My perspective on many things have changed drastically in the last month, obviously. Case in point:

At the beginning of June, I was put on “modified” bed rest. That meant I could only get up to go to the bathroom, shower, and the occasional visit to the fridge. There was to be no prolonged time on my feet, no cooking, no doing dishes, no cleaning, no picking up anything remotely heavy, no trips unless I was going to my doctor’s appointments.

Part of me should have been jumping up and down and shouting from the roof top. No housecleaning! Wahoo! But, no. I cried everyday. My freedom had been ripped away; all my plans dashed. The realization that I couldn’t do all the mommy-daughter things with Lily that I had planned was devastating to me. I didn’t think it could get any worse.

I didn’t think it could get any worse.

As I sit in my hospital bed, staring outside at a strange city, 2 hours away from home, I’d give my left leg to be home and couch bound. I count down the days until I can see my Lily. My point of view has changed.

I’ll be 30 weeks on Tuesday. My doctor said she’ll do a C-section at 35 weeks, 36 at the latest. Ok, do the math. 5 ½ to 6 ½ weeks is 38-45 more days. Then we add the 12 days I’ve been here. On many days those numbers have been overwhelming. I’ve uttered the words, “I cannot do this!” MANY times. Just ask Andy!!

My perspective changed, though, when one of my nurses told me about the other mom here who has a previa, like me. She’s only 25 weeks along, she’s been here since week 22, and she’s on complete bed rest. That means bed pans and sponge baths.

I didn’t think it could get any worse. But, it can. And I’m thankful that it’s not.

Lily came for a visit yesterday. It was the first day I was allowed to go outside, in a wheelchair. I had half an hour. Now, I know that’s not much. Heck, prisoners get at least an hour of yard time every day! But when you have not been outside your room for 12 days, ½ hours is solid gold. To feel the sun on my skin and breathe real air…….I’ll take it.

Lily thought it was an awesome ride. “Wheel us around, Dad! This is a fun ride!” You know what? As simple as that little ride was; I felt the same way. My point of view had changed.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t always feel so positive. There’s tears most days and me asking God, “Why me?” But He’s teaching me and I’m learning. I just hope and pray that when all is said and done, when baby is out, when we are back at home and things are “normal” again, I won’t get mad and frustrated when little things don’t go my way. I did that a lot. I know I won’t turn into this perfectly calm and level-headed Stepford person. But I hope I will remember these lessons and be different.