The Cheat Day

Let me start this post by saying two things: Numero Uno:  I am "dieting" so to speak, but I desperately need to make a lifestyle change. So as most diets end, that's not what I'm going for here.  Numero Dos: I've lost a good chunk of weight before. About 7 years ago (way before kids), I joined Weight Watchers and lost 24 pounds. Yeah, pretty awesome, right? So while I do know how to lose the weight, it's the making it stick that I have struggles with. In some ways, I feel like I'm figuring it out all over again.

The idea of a cheat day when you are dieting is sooooo appealing to me. Eat sensibly and deny yourself those daily "bad for you" cravings, (Okay, who am I kidding, the hourly cravings.) and then have one day a week to indulge in whatever you like. The idea being that you are eating healthier; but you aren't saying no forever to your Maui Onion Chips or your Cookies and Cream ice cream.

I get it. Living life in the real world does mean the occasional ice cream cone or brownie. Mmmmm brownies........ Sorry, I'm focused now. Because really, when someone tells me I absolutely, positively cannot have something. That is the one thing I cannot stop thinking about. It's the one thing I want more than anything else. Isn't it true that as soon as you start trying to lose weight, you constantly think about food?

Well, I had a cheat day earlier this week. I also had one the week before, on Tuesday to be exact. So Tuesdays seem to be the day to cheat. And speed and get pulled over by the police. And get into the 15 items or less line at Safeway with 50 + items. Yeah, I had stellar day that day.

Actually, it's Andy's cheat day, so it just made sense to cheat on the same day. After 2 cheat days I'm not so sure it's the way to go. As I said at the beginning of this post, I'm just figuring things out. I want this weight loss to stick this time and as I continue this journey I'm sure I'll make many mistakes and have some bad food days.

So I really thought about how I felt at the end of my cheat day. First I'll tell you what I ate. I know you are dying to know!

Breakfast: Coffee and croissant at Starbucks (This is actually party of my weekly date with Lily.) Not too terribly bad.

Lunch: Turkey and mustard on a sourdough roll with Maui Onion chips and ice tea. This probably does not sound like a cheat meal to most; but these are two foods I love!! Normally, I wouldn't eat the sourdough roll (lots of white flour) or the chips, because chips=fat.

Dinner: 2 pieces of pizza and a rather skimpy salad. Again, not so horrible; but I pretty much muscled the second piece down. I totally would've been fine with one. I guess, what put me into the "I feel crappy" zone was the McFlurry from McDonald's on the way home from pizza.

I was full but it was my cheat day and this was my one chance to eat the sweet stuff before my next cheat day.

Did I really need to fill my entire day with fatty foods and basically no fruits or vegetables??????? I have to give a resounding NO! So do I throw the whole cheat day out all together? Or maybe I need to pick just one meal to splurge instead of three. I'm working this one out and trying to figure out what will help me get to my ultimate goal. I guess I'll let you know come next Tuesday.

Here's what I do know. And I'm basing this on how I felt at the end of the day. I felt full, too full. I used to feel like this all the time and I don't like it. It's one of the reasons I said, "Enough is enough. I need to stop eating like this!!!" Also, my stomach just felt how it feels when you eat fatty foods all day. That's all the detail I'm going to give on that. There is such a thing as TMI.

So in the spirit of limiting TMI, this post is done!

Peeing In The Closet. Yup, I Said Peeing In The Closet.

For some reason, Henry has now decided that he no longer wants to wear clothes. No shirt, no pants, no diaper. He desperately tries to take them off, all the while making the "please" sign. Well, not the actual please sign. It's just the one he made up for please. When I tried to teach him "please" in sign language, he would just get angry. I mean, he was quite put off. I was like, "Chill out, buddy. I'm just trying to help you out since you can't talk yet. But hey, whatever floats your boat." His unique sign for please let me know he was hungry. Then it just became the sign for please when he wanted anything. Which makes it kind of hard to figure out what he wants sometimes. Gosh, I just want him to talk already!

So what was I saying now? Oh yes, he doesn't want to wear clothes. Especially not his diaper.

The other day I had changed his diaper, I left him in the living room to run somewhat free and sans clothing. His diaper was  on. I skipped on over to his room to toss his clothes in his hamper and get his fresh clothes for the day from his closet. As I was taking some clothes off the hanger I looked down and there was H standing next to me.

Completely nude.

Peeing into the closet.

No look of mischief, no look of sheepish shame. It was as if I let him pee in his closet every day!

You better believe me this is coming up in conversation the first time he brings a girlfriend over the house. Oh, yeah. I'm tucking this one away in the mental file folder labeled "embarrassing my kids."

I'm Just Laying It All Out There and The Bread Was Calling Out To Me.

Longest title for a post. I know.

Trust me. Those two random statements really do tie into each other. Really.

So, I'm going to go out on a limb here. I'm trying to lose weight. I need to lose weight.

I don't think I need to go on the Biggest Loser or anything like that; but I've come to accept a couple of things. I can't be in denial about them any longer.

#1)  I can't just say I want to lose weight, boo hoo about it and feel sorry for myself and not be willing to do something about it. Work at it.
#2) I wasn't (still not completely thrilled) with how I looked; but more importantly, was not happy with my relationship with food.
#3) I need to be a better example to Lily. I'm afraid I've failed miserably at this. I need to be a better example of how to eat and that you need to exercise your body.
#4) I couldn't use the excuse of "just having a baby", being too busy, or being too tired to not change my eating habits and lose some weight. Also, I needed to stop doing things in my own power. I needed to make it a God-thing, not a Jen thing.

So there you have it.

Why blog about it?

Well, people who blog talk a lot about themselves (I'm just being honest) and their lives. This is just part of mine.

I've started a calorie counting program and it's been working so far. I'm doing it with a handful of friends and the accountability has been the number one reason why I've stuck with it. So I figure if I blog about it, maybe I can get some more support and hopefully be an encouragement to others.

Please feel free to comment. Give me tips, advice, verses to encourage or whatever. I'd appreciate it.

So what about the bread calling out to me? Well,,,,,,,,,,bread is my numero uno weakness. Sourdough, fresh from the bakery, hot and squishy. I bought some the other day to go with a potato soup recipe I was making for the first time. I figured out it was about 100 calories per slice. TOTALLY worth it. Problem is eating one slice is like taking one lick of icecream or eating one chip. It's totally against nature to eat just one. So I ate two.

Well, for a family of 4, two being very small, we aren't going to eat a whole loaf at one meal. As I was cleaning up the dishes after dinner, I saw the half eaten loaf sitting there. Staring at me. I swear I could physically  hear it say, "Jen, eat me." But not in a sweet innocent voice. It was in a slow motion, menacing, action movie sequence voice. It was scary! I wanted to eat the bread so very badly.

I'm happy to say, I refrained. But maybe, just maybe, for a little while. I'll skip the sourdough bread when I go grocery shopping.

Lost and Found

Just after Christmas something horrible happened. We lost Izzie.

Izzie has been Lily's faithful sleeping partner for years. She got her on her 1^st birthday from a family friend, who also happens to be one of her Pre-K teachers.

Her love for Izzie is loyal and true.

There are two items she grabs for in the morning. She doesn't leave her room without her ''leaves" (her green blanket with leaves all over) and Izzie. If I have to wake her up in the morning, the first thing she says is, "Where's Izzie?"

So you can imagine how devastating it was that we couldn't find her.

We put out an APB. We swept the perimeter. We searched high and low. Izzie was no where to be found.

I assured Lily that Izzie had to be in the house somewhere. She made do with some of the lesser dogs in her puppy pound.

I'm glad to report Izzie has been found! (It's been a few weeks. I've been ignoring the blog. Boo.) Where has she been hiding all this time?

Under my bed.

I wonder what else is under there?