I'm moving to Wordpress and Sock Monkey Tales is now The Accidental Domestic

Why such a big change???
That's a loaded question. I'm working on a blog post explaining the blog move and name change. For now though, please read over at http://theaccidentaldomesticblog.wordpress.com/I am transferring all my old post over there as well, eventually:)
I've loved this little space called Sock Monkey Tales:)
Jen

The Never Ending Summer

Andy I had a laugh the other day. It's late September, fall has officially made it's entrance and we feel like our summer activities have yet to come to an end. It's not that I want summer to keep going. It just keeps going.

We laughed because we are thinking of the fun, eventful summer and laughing at our sheer exhaustion. It's time to slow down; but........... all of our new fall/school activities just started up, all at the same time. We are still doing swim lessons. We are still recovering from Disneyland (Boo Hoo! Poor us, right?) and family visiting. (I miss my sister! I want her to come back!) Throw in trying to get back into our home school schedule and well, slowing down doesn't seem an option.

Here's the thing: Every time I think my week will finally be "normal", something "out of the normal" happens. Like spending much of my weekend trying to rid my pantry of moths, having to throw away most of the food in there and having what is left of my pantry on the kitchen counter until the coast is clear. While all of that was happening, Andy scratched his cornea and was out of commission for a few days.

Talk about out of the ordinary.

I hate to admit this. I must come to terms with this fundamental truth. There are no normal weeks. At least not for us.

So do I resign myself to running around like a chicken with my head cut off? Just letting each circumstance take me where it may?

Some days, yes. That's not how I want to live my life most days, though. So I want to really be intentional about trying to slow down this next month and smell the pumpkins. Even though I know it won't always be possible.

So, I'll start now by getting off the computer, checking a few things off my to-do list (just a few), and then sitting down and spending some quality time with the hubs.

"Hello, Mr. Discontent. So, We Meet Again"::The Unwanted Visitor

So, last week I sat down at the computer to write and browsed through some rough drafts I had. I read this post below and realized I had never published it on my blog as I had intended to. 

How fitting. The past few weeks have been a little hard. We had to put our dog of 12  years to sleep 3 weeks ago. I had been crying daily prior to "the day" and for days afterward. Then this happened, then that. You know how it goes. Your heart gets just a little tired and it's the perfect situation for ol' Mr. Discontent to coming sneaking in the back door. 

Reading my own words, oddly enough, encouraged me and convicted me when I really needed to be encouraged and convicted. I know it's not me; it's God. I think it's kinda cool how he works things out. 

Here's my forgotten post from several months ago...........

And so it happens again and right around the same time, too.

"What's that?" you ask.

Oh, this feeling I get. This unhappy tug on my heart. It starts so slowly that it just sneaks up on me. It was right around lunch. I was warming up pasta, rinsing off strawberries, calling the kids to lunch. They were hungry and happy to eat.

"Dee, Dee!!! Lunch ready!!!" Henry mimicks  me.

I glance at my to-do list. Nothing had been checked off.

Though, I reminded myself, that I had taken a shower, done my hair, put on make-up even!!!, spent time with Andy before he went to work at 10:30 (weird shift right now), put away laundry, made my bed, and started a load of laundry.

Oh, and I home schooled. I rock, right?

But as I look at the sink full of dishes I chide myself, "Why can't I ever get that darn dishwasher empty before lunch? Then my sink wouldn't pile up with dirty dishes."

As I put the plates full of yummy food in front of my happy children, I feel the twinge of a headache behind my eye. Not again! Another headache? Really?

I sit down with my kids, in my warm house (which is pretty clean considering the time of day), eating a delicious lunch (tuna salad on toast- one of my faves), with two ridiculously cute kids smiling at me and I feel......... discontent.

I look at that word...... discontent. Such an ugly word. So unnecessary when I have so much. How can I be this? Discontent.

We had had such a good morning. It had gone much smoother, actually, than the previous two. I slept in a little but still managed to get a shower before the kids got up. We spent extra time cuddling on the couch watching cartoons. This meant school did not start on time; but Henry was so snuggly and actually sat curled up on my lap for a long time. I have to take these moments when I can. This kid never stops moving. Lily was wrapped up in a blanket next to me. I loved every minute.

School had gone well, Henry actually did our morning calendar time with us without being a total disruption. He even sat and colored at the table while Lily did schoolwork.

Besides my ever growing list of things to do, the day had been great. So why this feeling? Why this sigh of defeat in my heart?

My mind wanders, especially when all I have to talk to is a 5 and 2 year old. And Satan totally uses my mind to get me in tough spaces. When my mind wanders during my day of what often seems mundane tasks, unloading the dishwasher, folding clothes, warming up lunch, feeding the dog, changing a diaper, he's right there to put doubting thoughts in mind.

Like, "Am I just going to do dishes and laundry every day for the next 16 years??"

"How many plastic princess plates can I rinse in a day before my brain explodes?"

"Is our life too boring? Maybe I should have the kids signed up for more activities."

"Jen, you've been home for two days now. And besides a hair appointment for Henry tomorrow, your schedule is wide open. You should be more involved in things, have more commitments, have more friends."

And then there's FOMO. Do you know what that means? I didn't until recently. Someone posted that on my Facebook wall in response to something I had written. I had no idea what it meant. I had to google it.

FOMO is Fear of Missing Out.

In the two minutes it took me to warm up two plates of leftover pasta my mind had wandered to a million different places of discontent.

There was surely all sort of friends out there doing fun things without me. Having lunch dates, play dates, going shopping, enjoying themselves, taking their kids to fun classes. Surely not what I'm doing, changing poopy diapers and washing the pink princess plate for the umpteenth time.

Everyone else's life must be more interesting and fun than mine.

Then within the very same moments my heart floods with guilt. I should be happy to stay home with my two favorite people. Why am I counting down the hours until naptime? A good mom wouldn't do that.

In the time it takes me to place the plates in front of my little free spirits, my blond headed babies, I feel beaten, discouraged. But why?

I stop and feel like slapping myself in the face. Snap out of it!! And I do. I choose to ignore the pile of dishes in my sink, the laundry waiting to fold, the things that must be done today and I choose to enjoy my lunch with my children. I choose to read them a story on the couch before nap and snuggle just a little bit more. I am happy in this moment. I am loved. I love.

Then I sit to write and sort out this thought that is tangled in my mind, this feeling that creeps in like a slithering snake, where it has no business being. This...discontent. I'm quite sick of his company. I haven't been entertaining him as much lately in my life; but he still manages to come over, uninvited of course.

I stop to reread the words I've written. It's almost like I flung them out on the page, just spewed them out there. Is this how I really feel about my life?

The truth is, I don't. I love my life. I may not love every minute of every day. I could do without a poopy diaper, a bad attitude or load of laundry from time to time. But honestly, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

There was a time when my life was so busy, too busy. I loved my job, my students, my coworkers; but really, I just wanted to be home with my baby. I prayed for 3 years until God said yes. I was so happy to stay home.

And while life with a 2 and 5 year old can hardly be called boring, there are times when it's..... well, boring. I mean, come on. There's only so many times I can watch the Thomas the Tank Engine or Littlest Pet Shop. No matter how many times I wash and fold the clothes, Andy is always asking, "Have you washed any whites?!? I need socks!" I can never keep up, let alone get ahead.

I totally get that this is a season in my life. I'm truly striving to enjoy "this time". I know that in a blink of an eye, the plastic plates and toddler forks will be no more.

I know that I'm going to feel couped up and stir crazy from time to to time, especially since my free time is greatly restricted by homeschooling and naptime.

I am okay with this. I choose this. I'm thankful for the opportunity to home school and I'm thankful to have a little boy who still takes naps!(Can I get an "Amen" on that one?)

What I'm not okay with is feeling like my life is lacking. I don't want to just be okay with life I want to truly enjoy life.

When I list all the things that are good about my life, all the ways God has blessed me. The list vastly overshadows the things I think "should" be different or better. How did my awesome day turn sour so quickly?

I've been challenged lately, through the Word and through the writings of some wonderful authors. I think God has brought them into my life to reveal and convict, to encourage and inspire. Why am I discontent (at the moment)? I am discontent because I choose to be. I choose to focus on the bad even though the good surrounds me. Instead of a habit of gratefulness, I've grown accustomed to wanting things to be different or better. But why?

My life, my children, my husband, my career, my ministry, my relationships.... they are mine. Given to me by God.

 There is no better, because He gives me the best.

The chalkboard on my kitchen wall says, "Today, I Choose Joy." I think I will interchange Joy with Contentment and Gratitude. These things go hand in hand. I've begun reading 1.000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I haven't gotten very far in the book but I've begun keeping my list of gifts. Things I am grateful for. I'm trying to actively watch the world around me. My small world with the thousand toys strewn across the living room floor, the the dog underfoot and the unmade bed. My small world is mine with the belly laughs, good night kisses and a movie on the couch with the hubs when the kids are finally in bed.

I'm hoping and praying that the more I practice this habit of gratefulness, the less I will see of Mr. Discontent. I hope he will not feel so welcome as to come creeping back into my heart as he once did.

I've been challenged in a few areas of my life. First, when I have those days that are quiet and uneventful, when kids are napping and I'm alone, I should use the quiet to pray. I can pray for so many, my husband, my children, family or friends who are struggling, our country, our leaders. I can pray for me, for my wandering heart and my restless spirit. I can pray for God to reveal himself to me in the tiny moments of my day.

Second, when I'm feeling lonely I can do something about it. I can pick up the phone or ask a friend over for coffee. I don't do this as much as I should. While spending time with friends and family is obviously very important, I know that connecting with Christ is the most important. If I'm not doing that, I will feel empty no how matter what I do or who I'm with.

Most importantly I can choose to stew in the pot of discontent or I can choose a different path.

I've been tossing around some changes I think need to happen in my life for weeks now. I keep coming back to two words BE INTENTIONAL!

Whether it is in a slew of busy days or quiet ones, disappointments or blessings, Be Intentional. Enjoy the days as they come. Find the good, the sweet, the delightful in my small realm, every day. Then intentionally give thanks for those things. Be truly grateful.

First Day of First Grade and Boo Boo School

We started school last week. I have a First Grader!!! I also have a 3 year old who wants to do everything that Lily and I do. So we ventured into our second year of home schooling and my attempts and Pre- School. Or as we called it, Boo Boo School.

On a side note, Henry is now starting to call Lily "Wily". He hasn't been calling her Dee Dee nearly as often. I'm a little sad. If you ask him what his name is, though, he will always say, "I'm Boo Boo."

Our first week of school was a little different this year. We started on a Thursday, which I know is such a weird day to start. I had to squeeze in a couple of extra days because we are going on a trip soon and we will miss a whole week of school. Not only did we start at the end of the week; but we had visitors with us. Our friends Bekah and Hannah joined us, while their mom had to go on a trip. It was kind of fun to actually have a little class to do school with. Lily and Henry had some friends to play with as well.

Because we had guests and it was the first two days of school we didn't jump into all the subjects. (We tried that Monday.) We did some fun beginning of the year activities, had a scavenger hunt for school supplies, made puffy paint and ended the week with a trip for ice cream.

Here's our first two days of school with friends.

Our Annual First Day of School Pancake Breakfast with hot chocolate, whipped cream and sprinkles.

Yup, that's more like it!

Our friends got to join us. Hannah is going into Kindergarten and Bekah into 2nd. I had Kindergarten, First and Second!

 Henry got his "school box" with crayons, truck erasers, Lightning McQueen stickers,  and a spiderman flashlight pen. Thank you Dollar Store! Those erasers kept him busy for quite awhile.

 Doesn't she look so studious???

 Each kiddo got their first day of school snack with their grade on it.

 Henry with his buddy Hannah.

They loved their special snacks.

And of course, the official first day photo shoot.

 Love this girl.

Here's to a great year! Praying for a lot of learning and lot of special memories.

Just One Day At A Time

Excuse my background, by the way. I'm fiddling around with things and trying to change some things up. I don't have it the way I want it yet, at all.

I sit to write.

I look around at the desk in our livingroom. I see all the things surrounding my computer. 3x5 cards, empty ice tea cup, a chapter book I was reading to Lil, cereal bowl (with milk still in it), an overflowing in box, sticky notes, a recipe box with no recipe cards inside, pens, 2 opened packages of floss (what??? why in the world??), Nyquill, a first math book, elmer's glue, a fraying Santa Rosa Activities Guide magazine that is currently being used as a mouse pad and the sticky wand to a bottle of bubbles.

My unorganized, chaotic desk actually mirrors the last month and a half of life in Casa de Bauer. In other words, my summer break so far. I knew the first month of summer would be a little busy. But this summer has me sitting back, taking a deep breath and saying, "Can I start vacation now, please?" Just yesterday, Andy finally put the suitcases back in the garage.

After 2 back to back camping trips for the family, I packed Lily and I up for a 10 day trip to Colorado. My niece was getting married in the beautiful Rockies. I literally spent two weeks doing laundry, folding clothes and immediately packing them back into the suitcases. Phew!!

The trip was fun. It was a great time with family I don't get to see often; but it was a long time to be away from home and the other half of my little family.

The next week was Henry's 3rd birthday and birthday party. The day of his birthday, we left for Family Camp for 5 days. Family Camp was amazing!! (It's actually my favorite part of our whole year.) It did produce 3 things, though: More laundry, Lily contracting pink eye and the FLU.

Now hold on to your britches, because this is where things get interesting. For the next week the stomach flu systematically attacked each member of our family, ending with me (who happened to get it the worse!). My poor sweet Henry threw up every 15 minutes for 3 hours in the middle of the night! My awesome mother- in- law went to Kaiser in the middle of the night to pick up anti-nauseau medicine for him because Andy was at work and I desperately needed help!

I did more laundry than I care to recall that night.

A day after I emerged from flu hell, we were off to Tiburon for a rehearsal dinner for another wedding, Andy's cousin. We had barely put down the barf bucket and we were headed into a weekend of fun (but exhausting) family celebrating. (The flu did not keep me from hitting the dance floor!)

The day I was sick, Andy lovingly decided to build me new shelves above our washer and dryer. Long story short: drilled a hole through a wire, no more outlet, fridge had no power. There is now a hole in the garage wall above the shelf, a hole in the kitchen wall, and all our food is in our fridge in the garage.

Yesterday, our washing machine decided to stop working right after I loaded half our towels into it and it filled up with water. Towels in water, just sitting there.

Today we took our 12 year old dog, Jackson, to the vet. He's been sick and I knew he wouldn't be here this time next year. I thought he had months, though. Our vet said it was more likes weeks.

I cried all day. I'm still crying.

I just found out one of our dear friends received some really, really devastating news . My heart is breaking for my friend.

What's going to happen next? What will tomorrow bring?

And since my last few weeks have taken me for a ride and I just can't seem to stop, I didn't do any of the things on my to-do list today. I fed my kids dinner in the shopping cart while I shopped for groceries at 5:30 at night (on a Friday! crazy!). I ate half a box of chocolate covered macadamias for dinner and washed it down with a Pepsi. That basket of laundry which has been sneering at me for the last 4 days will be left untouched for another day.

Sometimes, you have to take it one day at a time, even one hour at a time. You have to throw your plans out the window and say, "We'll just try this again tomorrow."

I've been memorizing these verses this month: I Corinthians 12:9-10  But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness......For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Lord, I am tired. Just plain tired. And sad. My summer started off so great and those memories and moments are still precious to me. Things lately have been hard. I will take your words and  hold them tight. They will not be hollow words to me; but Truth. Lord, I am weak; but you are all the strength I need. Thank you.

I'll Take It!

It's not always lovey dovey like this around our house. I'll take it when I can get it, though.

Last Day Of Kindergarten! We Did It!!

We started the year here.

We ended the year here.

 This is what we did on the last day of Kindergarten:

Read the last story in our Reader.

 Played Sum Swamp.

 Lily wrote her summer bucket list. I believe number 4 was "Go to England".

She's a First Grader!

 Henry doing "school" in his underwear. Hey, why not?

We had a great year!

I began this year second guessing our decision to home school about every other day minute. I end the year, still doing it; but not nearly as often. (And usually it's been when Andy has worked many days in a row and I'm going stir crazy!)

The truth is, I've loved being home with Lily and teaching her. I don't regret one single moment. Which is why we are going for round 2. Do I still sometimes wish I could send her to "real" school? Yes. Am I willing to actually do it? No. And I think that is what surprised me the most. I had spent years gearing up for this day, never even thinking there would be a possibility of not sending her off to school. When it came down to it, though, I didn't really want that.

Here were my surprises for my first year of home schooling, good and bad. I'm going to be completely honest.

Surprise #1: Teaching her to read. Being a first - third grade teacher for most of my teaching career, I've taught my fair share of kids to read. I wasn't intimidated to teach Lily to read, as I know many home schooling moms are. I was just not prepared for the pure awesomeness of watching my own child go from simply knowing the sounds of letters to reading the graduation note her grandma wrote to her. It's amazing. I got to see this neat progression unfold daily. I got to see each little click of her brain as she sounded out words and laughed at stories. That was a pure treasure for me. 

Surprise #2: The Ultimate Free Spirit. My daughter is a free spirit. While for her age, I think she did great at sitting down and getting her work done, she is not the workbook, stay focused type. This really shouldn't have surprised me. I guess this year just showed me how much of a free spirit she is. She would much rather be sewing leaves into dresses for her fairy dolls outside or dancing in a tutu and cowboy hat than practicing her handwriting. Do you blame her?

Surprise #3: Homeschooling with a Toddler. Before I type this next sentence let me premise this with how much I love and adore my son. He is 100% boy and then some. I love that about him. But....... It's ridiculously hard very challenging to home school with a two year old boy. Do you have one? With just a smidgen more energy and stubborness than most? Then you know what I'm saying. If you have no clue what that's like, just trust me. It can be exhausting. I just wasn't expecting it to be as hard as it was. I basically had to start doing preschool with him because he needed to be engaged and he needed structure. We also started potty training, so that was a bonus. Just being honest.

Surprise #4: I don't have as much patience as I thought I did:)

Surprise #5: Home schooling means sacrificing, a lot. I am so impressed with moms I've come to know and respect who have home schooled their kids all the way through high school. Now, that is running the race! I'll be honest, as promised, I did not have much respect for the decision to home school. It's not that I didn't respect the person. Some of my dearest friends home schooled. I just thought they should be sending their kids to school where kids are supposed to go. I'm ashamed of that now. The moms I know work so hard each day with their kids, to teach them, not just academics; but character and a love for God. There are no breaks when you home school. There is no end to the day, where you get to go home and send your students back to their parents. Home schooling is not for sissies!! (Do I still love traditional school? Yes, yes, yes! Teacher rock!! They have a hard job in other ways and the ones I know are so very dedicated and loving. Just had to put that in there.) My respect for those who home school diligently has grown greatly. I get it now.

Surprise #6: Home Schooling in PJs. I did school in my pajamas way more than I thought I would. Looking back on it, it was kind of silly to be so against that at the beginning. Why not? Pajama pants are so comfy.



Here are a few tips for newbies now that I have a year under my belt. This list is short because I am definitely not a pro.

Tip #1: Make It Your Own.  It's not like traditional school. Don't try to replicate school. This is just my personal opinion. And I'm actually only half agreeing with myself. I'm sure I make it more "schooly" than most. Lily and I like it that way.  It's most definitely not like the classroom, though. I had a tough time with this at first. Also, it won't look just like your friend's home school. So, as hard as it is not to compare, don't go down that road. Make it your own and do what works for your family.

Tip #2  Read aloud to your kids a lot. I'm rectifying that next year.

Tip # 3 If a schedule isn't working, don't stick to it just because. Have a schedule for sure; but sometimes schedules need to change with life changes (or nap schedules). My husband has just about the craziest, ever changing schedule, so we had to be more flexible.

Tip #4: If you have little ones, meet their needs first. I didn't learn this until the end of the year and I think I would have been less frustrated if I'd done this earlier on. Like I mentioned earlier, home schooling with a toddler can be very chanllenging. I needed to plan for it and plan on being interrupted. I'm learning to engage Henry more in our activities, have more things for him to do, and spend more time with him while I home school. I'm actually really enjoying doing preschool activities with him, teaching him his letters and colors.

So, there you have it. A journey I never thought I'd take, a journey that's just beginning, and a journey that I'm excited about.

Can't believe I have a first grader!

Why Charlotte's Web is one of my all-time favorite books.

I finally finished reading Charlotte's Web to Lily. It just about took me the whole school year to do it, too. She really enjoyed it and I loved reading it to her. It is one of my absolute favorite books. Not just children's books, any book.

I anticipated the last chapter, the ending. I knew it was coming. It makes me cry every time!!

The first time I read it out loud to a class of Third Graders, I got a lump in my throat and my eyes began to burn. I was crying in front of my class! I knew I would read it every year from there on out.

Lily and I were nearing the last chapter so I made sure to pick an afternoon when I knew we would not be interrupted. We came to the last couple of pages. I dreaded it and couldn't wait for it all at the same time.  I finished it. Tears welled up and I held them back; but it was hard. Once again, I felt sad that Wilbur had lost his most precious friend. My heart hurt for my dear little friend, all alone in the barn cellar.

It was bit lost on my 6 year old, I must admit. A shadow of sadness drifted across her face; but it was gone in seconds and she went on to the next thing.

Maybe in a couple of years it will mean something more.

But maybe the fact that it means something deeply to me is enough.

To have a friend, so incredibly loyal to the very end. Have you known that kind of friendship? I have. I found it when I was young and I've never had one quite like it since. It think that's what makes it so special. Those kind of friendships are usually a once in lifetime thing. Not always, but usually. Be thankful if you've ever had the privilege to experience it.

I love a book that makes you feel your character's joys and sorrows as if they are your own. You know it's a good book, when the moment you've closed the cover, you feel sad and you wish it didn't have to end. 

In a couple of years, when Henry is old enough, I'll revisit my old friends again in the barn cellar.

"It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer. 

Charlotte was both.”

Can I Just Vent????

I so much want to be a godly wife and a good mom. Really I do. Who doesn't?

Right now those two words, godly and good, are far from what I'm feeling about myself.

I sit here, exhausted and at my wit's end. Who hasn't been there? Multiply times?

I want to complain and stomp my feet and throw a pity party for myself. Why? Because no one else is doing it and I think I really deserve one!

Circumstances, you have no control over. Your attitude, 100% control.

My attitude stinks. And I know it. Hence, the ungodly wife and bad mom. If you ask my husband and kids, they would most likely tell you the opposite. That's because, they can't see the deep downess of my heart. Only God and I clearly see that.

I feel like it's now or never, though. Either I consciously choose right now to have a positive attitude about my circumstances or I will begin to fall in a deep and ugly funk. Who knows how long I'll be there. I've been known to stay quite awhile. Honestly, I'm tired of it.

There are some things in my life right now that I know are temporary. They'll be different in a day or two, a few months. There are some things, though, that are not going to change. Probably ever. And there is nothing I can do about it. That is what God has for me.

And I want to cry and hit and scream and stomp my feet because it makes my life hard and uncomfortable. I have to sacrifice, be gracious, and put others before myself. I'm seeing more and more clearly just what a selfish person I am. I don't like what I see.

Life can be hard. What a cliche' thing to say, I know. I'm totally for having a boo hoo party for yourself every once in a while. I think we are entitled to that now and again.

How can I beat this vicious cycle? I want the occasional boo hoo party, not the one that lasts for days. It doesn't make me feel any better and I'm convicted, as I type these words, that I'm not giving it over to God.

Now or never. What's it going to be?

Circumstances= 0% control. Attitude=100% control.

The End Is Just The Beginning: The Story of Henry Part 7

* If you didn't catch my last post, you can read it here. The Story Of Henry Part 6 It had a lot of medical info if you're interested in that kind of stuff.

It's kind of strange writing about the end of Henry's birth story and our  NICU adventure when I've just brushed his teeth, and he grabs my hand and says, "Come on, Mom. Let's play!"

Yup, talking in full sentences and being just a regular 2 year old.

The baby, who I barely got to touch when he was born, now hangs on me most of the day and smothers me with wet kisses. Love those wet kisses.

I'm writing this final installment, knowing that Henry's story ended well. At the time, though,  Andy and I didn't know how things would turn out.We didn't know if Henry would have feeding problems or speech and motor delays. These were all the things that preemies suffer from. We knew he was improving; but we still didn't know how much longer we would be living what we called our Bizarro Life. Life around us was moving forward; yet we were standing still.

The first week of August brought more visitors and an uexpected bend in the road.

Andy had to go back to work during this time; but we also took some time out for fun. We still had another child to take care of. Lily needed us, too. Henry wasn't critical and I really needed to spend time with my girl and get her ready for preschool.

Going to Howarth Park with Papa.

Spending some quality time with Dad.

More visitors: Aunt Clare and Auntie Anna

Every time I came in, I got to feed him, change him and take his temp.

 No more feeding tube!! Woo Hoo!

Why do I look so happy? It's August 5th and we have received the best news.
Henry can come home!!

On August 3rd, Henry reached another one of his milestones: At 37 days old he had reached his 5 pound mark!!! He was 5 pounds, 1/2 ounce. After this milestone, things moved along quickly. He was doing great with feedings, had been maintaining his own temperature for awhile, his A's and B's were great and now he was big enough to go home.

His sweet nurses made him a cake and brought it in to celebrate reaching his 5 pound milestone.

Now he just had to pass his car seat test and he was good to go.

So, on August 5th (our 11th wedding anniversary), we got the official green light. He was coming home the next day. It was one of the best anniversaries we've ever had.

After 39 days in the hospital, at just over 5 pounds, Henry Christopher was coming home to stay.

So here are the stats for me:

• 4 weeks on bedrest (not so bad compared to other friends of mine). 
• 3 weeks in the hospital
• 2nd c-section
• 5 weeks of living in Roseville
• 2 months from when our adventure began to when Henry could come home.

And for Henry:

• Born 10 weeks early
• Started at 3 pounds, 10 ounces. 
• Came home at just over 5 pounds.
• One heart murmur
• One enlarged kidney. (The heart murmur and enlarged kidney all took care of themselves. By his due date, the kidney issue had resolved itself.)

This leg in our journey was over; but the story of Henry's life was just beginning. His birth had changed our family forever. We had gone through emergency surgery, a job change, having to be separated from Lily, my mom suffering from a stroke, being 2 hours away from our family and friends, and not knowing from one day to the next what was in store. I was not sure how we had endured the last 2 months; but our family was complete now. August 6th, 2011, was such the sweetest day.

 Hanging out in Henry's room, waiting for the car seat test.

 See those monitors behind me? I was glad to leave those behind for good and  a little scared. I wouldn't be able to depend on them anymore.

 The bags under my eyes tell a story! I do like this picture because this was my last time to feed Henry in the hospital.

 My poor, sweet Andy. I see the exhaustion in his face. Best husband ever!

 Ready to go home.

 Last check-up by the Doc.

 Um... he looks so ridiculously small here. Amazing.

 Last walk down this hallway.............

Though reliving this experience through writing my blog posts have been hard and emotional at times, it's been such a great time for me to talk to God and thank Him again for walking me through this time in my life. While life went on and we've gone through all the normal phases that you go through with children: crawling, walking, talking, terrible twos (still going through that, by the way), and now potty training, I am constantly reminded of the miracle that God let us experience. It was a gift, truly.

And here is where I get emotional, where my chest tightens, and the tears cannot be stopped. Why? Because God taught me so much and showed me in such a real and undeniable way how much He loves me, loves Andy, loves Lily, loves Henry. He showed me that our lives are not in vain; they have a purpose. They have real worth and value. We are here to glorify God. Pretty simple; but pretty powerful.

Others have not had to experience what I've had; but so many have had to endure so much more. They've felt deeper pain and have experienced loss that I cannot fathom. It is not lost on me how lucky we are. But this is my story. I truly believe God wants us to share our stories, traumatic or not!! It will touch someone, encourage someone. Someone needs to hear it.

I hope Henry's story encourages whoever reads this. I know my kids will read this someday. These words I've written are my stones of rememberance, for me and for my family.

 And then we came home.

 The Grandmas are enamored.

 Hanging out with Grandpa.

 Just a little perspective.

 So good to be home.

What I've learned about me, about God.

I'm so incredibly lucky to have the husband I have. Lucky. Blessed. You have no idea. He made our life work when I could do nothing. Some days, I felt like I was literally falling apart. He held me up. Andy is such an unselfish person. He's strong and sacrificial. I didn't even touch the iceberg of all that Andy went through, gave up, and endured on our adventure. He was the rock when I was weak. He went through a stressful job change and the stress of keeping our family together. Words are just not enough.

God is good. I can't say that enough. Through the scary, bad, painful, happy and amazing parts of life, He never changes. He can never do "more good" or be "less good". It's just who He is. He wants to bring things into our lives for our good.

God wanted more of me. I was (and am working on this) a lazy Christian. I'm just going to be honest. My prayer life was sporadic, my quiet time  not much to speak of (I'm still working on these!!), my priorities were out.....of....whack. I had been letting petty thoughts, insecurities, and feelings run my life. I was not finding my value in God. My focus, most of the time, was not on Him.I know this is not the only reason why God turned our lives upside down; but I know it is one reason. He wanted desperately to get my attention. He got it.

I've learned it's okay to be alone sometimes. When I am lonely, He wants me to turn to Him.  I am learning this right now, actually!! When I am at my end, that's when I need Him most. That's when He begins to speak to me and I can begin to hear Him over all the other distractions in my life. If I found my contentment in others all the time, I would never need Him. I believe God really missed me sometimes. 

I saw, I believe, just a sliver of a glimpse of God's glory, His power. We talk about Him being holy and good and great; but we have no idea. Sometimes, we forget that He is the God of Moses, who shook Mt. Sinai with his fire and smoke. If we were to but truly see Him we would fall flat on our faces.

Life is a miracle. Every life. To see a baby before it's supposed to be out of the womb. To see Henry's ultra thin skin and skinny limbs. To watch his heart beat and physically see it move up and down on his chest, working so hard for each breath. To see a baby before it's "done". To be able to witness first hand what most people don't see because the fetus is still growing in the womb is nothing short of a miracle. I felt, that in some, small, minute way, I'd seen the power of God. We are made in His image and here was His creation, not supposed to be born yet, miraculously growing. Still being knit together. So intricate, so strong, so delicate, so complicated, so beautiful. Such a masterpiece that could only be made by a Creator. What a privelege to be able to witness that.

I feel honored to be Henry's mom, to be Lily's mom, to be Andy's wife. I'm thankful for what I have. I'm not always thankful. I'm not perfect. Due to several issues, I think Henry is the last baby I will be able to carry. I'm thankful for what God gave me and I don't wish for things to be different or better or easier. Things are just as they are supposed to be.

Here's a few more special pictures and some pictures of us getting into our groove and figuring what our new normal is. These pictures make me smile.

Now I  had to get up to do all the middle of the night feedings.

 Being able to dress him up in all his preemie (and eventually newborn) clothes was something I had been looking forward to doing.

 Okay, H looks a little creepy here because he has zero neck muscle control; 

but I love this picture because of Lily's expression.

 She was so thrilled to touch and kiss him.

 She was and still is the perfect big sister. I love this girl!

 First bath at home.

Meeting Jackson

 Meeting Great Grandma Joyce

I watch Lily and Henry from my living room window, as I write this final post of Henry's birth story, his amazing entry into this life. They are running back and forth across our lawn, their blonde hair bobbing up and down, as their muscles move them forward at such a tremendous speed. They are laughing and shouting and playing. My heart is not just full, it aches with joy.

My story ended well with Henry. He is doing great. Besides his petite size, you'd never know he was a preemie. We did have issues with him keeping his food down for several months. I had to keep him away from crowds for several months because he would be prone to getting sick with his immature respiratory system. I was still nervous. He stayed healthy and I am so thankful for that.

He is my little miracle and always will be. But now I see that my life is full of miracles. All around me. Every day. I just have to open my eyes and see what God is doing all the time. This experience was defining in my life; but God is not done with me yet. I hope there are more amazing God experiences in my life. I also know there is more joy and sorrow in this life; but my prayer is that what God taught me will carry me through the valley and mountains that are sure to come.

I have a very ordinary life. Yes, we had a couple of years of extraordinary to be sure. There is no denying that. Our life now is about as normal as it gets. So maybe the biggest lesson I've learned so far, since I've had Henry is that God uses ordinary, lazy, weak people to show His extraordinary power. That is what makes my life special and full of meaning.

 Some Firsts:

 

First Christmas

 First Birthday