10 Things I Learned in 2010

On reflecting over the past year, here's a few things I've learned:

1. I look good in hats.
2. I don’t look good in skinny jeans.
3. Potty training does not happen in one day. Anyone who says so, you and I need to meet……in a dark alley.
4. Families are complicated; but family loves you like no one else does.
5. I’m no Holly Homemaker; but I think I’m a pretty awesome mom.
6. I’m addicted to magazines with the words organization, storage solution or declutter in the title.
7. Writing is something I need to do and I should have never stopped.
8. The Christian life can be very exciting.
9. My daughter marches to the beat of her own drum. And I really like that about her.
10. That my husband has an amazing amount of determination. He’s quite brave and has actually inspired me to take chances.

2010 was quite a year! I wonder what 2011 will bring? Happy New Year!!!!

A New Normal

It's Day 2 of Andy's field training. He's been on duty for 41 minutes. And I'm not worried.

I thought I would be more worried. I am thankful for this.

Now, ask me how I feel when something really dangerous happens or he's on patrol alone. Fortunately, he won't be on his own for 5 months.

The emotion I'm feeling is lonely. Lily's asleep and Andy's gone and I have to go to bed alone. I hate going to bed alone. It won't always be this way. Just 4 nights a week for several weeks. In reality it will probably be that way for months, or more. And I need to find a way to get used to it.

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that this is my life now. It's not going to change. Hearing Andy say, "I drew my gun twice last night." is going to be normal conversation for us. It's like a weird other life. Like when Elaine befriended the Bizarro Jerry, George and Kramer.

So what will I do tonight? Finish watching Bones, fold some laundry, do some lesson plans, and pray. Pray for Andy to make wise choices, for God to give him discernment, for me to find joy in the silence and for Andy to come home safely.

Merry Christmas!!

So I decided to bake cookies this year. Just sugar ones so Lil and I can cut out shapes and then decorate them at Grandma Lillian's tomorrow. I'm no Martha Stewart so of course, I ruined the first batch by putting in baking soda instead of baking powder. No matter. If the second batch doesn't work out, I can always buy premade sugar cookies to decorate, right?

Before I tackle the dishes, I'm just taking a moment to listen to Christmas music and look at my tree. I love the way it looks with all the presents underneath it. It's so beautiful. It almost makes me sad to think that in just two days, they'll all be gone. No more anticipation, no more suspense, no more "Did he get what I think he got me?" Until then, I'm going to savor these last couple days.

This morning when Lily and got up she noticed a new rain jacket I got for her yesterday. She exclaimed, "Is that for me? Is that for me? It's so beautiful!!" Then she saw new Dora bubble bath and some Christmas sprinkles I picked up at Target yesterday. These were just essential items, not presents. Yet she continued, "Dora bubbles for me? Sprinkles for me?" She was beside herself. It was so darn cute. I can't wait to see how she'll react when she gets actual presents.


Merry Christmas!

It's Christmas!!

It's a Sunday morning.

The rain is pattering outside. That nice gentle pattering where you could just lay in bed and listen to it all morning. Which is what I was doing until a certain sweet little voice said, "Bob?" and stumbled into our room and climbed into bed. (Right now, I'm Bob the Tomato and she's Larry the Cucumber.) Wrapped in her "Leaves" , the blanket she cannot sleep without, she cuddled with me in bed. My brief alone time was interrrupted but I didn't mind one bit.

It's my Christmas break and I got to sleep past 7, so it's all good.

It's been a busy week, no make that month. Actually, make that a year. We are in a brief lull right now. Andy is in orientation at the Sheriff's department. He often comes home early and has random days off. It's really nice. He's home every night. Field Training starts in a week and we don't know what his schedule will be. For now, though, he's home a lot and not driving around in a car with a gun. For now.

I swore this Christmas I wouldn't be crazy busy. I promised myself I would stop and reflect. Watch Christmas movies and drink hot cocoa; stare at my tree and contemplate. Make Christmas crafts. (I have no idea what craft that would be; but it seems like a Christmasy thing to do.)

But the reality was graduation, super fast trip to DL, school, grades, graduation party, Christmas program, birthday party, Christmas shopping, class Christmas party, report cards, Christmas cards. Are you dizzy yet?

And yes, my house looks like a tornado hit it.

I am still determined to stop the madness. So I sit here with my tea in hand, Christmas tree lit, Lily watching Veggie Tales' St. Nicholas and a beautiful card my sister, Doreen, gave me a couple of Christmases ago.

It looks like a photograph of an oil painting. It's beautiful. Mary is holding Jesus in both hands. She's raised his head to her lips and is kissing his forehead, just as I did a hundred times to Lily when she was an infant. The first time I saw this card I couldn't stop staring at it. That gentle, intimate moment, which is just a flash in time, was captured forever.

I had recently had Lily, so this picture stirred up a lot of emotion. But it got me to thinking. Even though he was God, Mary loved him so deeply as only a parent can, adored him, felt dangerously protective over him, and probably couldn't stop staring at him with all his little parts. It made that miraculous moment in that stable thousands of years ago seem even more miraculous.

If Mary loved Jesus with such depth, even as much as I love Lily, how much more did God love his Son? How much more pain must the Father had felt when that precious Son died on the cross, felt pain and sorrow and shame? How much more must the Father love me for allowing all that to happen.

It's an overwhelming thought. But I am so, so thankful. I cannot comprehend it, so I'll just give God the praise and worship him in my heart by stopping and reflecting on Him this next week.