Sleep? I Don't Need No Stinkin' Sleep!

Before you read this post, you must know 2 things. Number one: My husband is very helpful. He works nights but totally gets up with little H. when he's home. He's even been handed the cranky little guy as he walks in the door at 3 a.m., as I stumble to bed mumbling about all the sleep I'm not getting. Number two: Little H. is just having some hard days. I know this too will pass. But as most moms (make that all moms) know, sometimes a girl just has to vent.

See this sweet face? Don't let him fool you. He's dangerous.

Did you know that when you become a parent, you no longer need sleep? I know you thought I said, "You don't get MUCH sleep." What I said was, "You no longer NEED sleep." Need, yes; you heard correctly.

"That's amazing!" you say. Now jump up and down and clap your hands like a little school girl. This is great news!

What's that? You have found yet another bag under your eye? Oh, so have I. I'm working on my third bag under each eye. That haggish and goulish reflection you see in the mirror is all in your imagination. You look great! You look as fresh and young as the day you got married. Trust me.

You say you feel sluggish and slow in the brain? You can't finish a thought? No worries. This gets better in time. You see, when you don't get more then a few hours of sleep at a time, your brain goes on a diet of sorts. You've heard people say that when you start to eat less, your stomach shrinks, right? You train your stomach to eat less and then you need less food. Well, it's the same with sleep. You start to train your brain that it really doesn't need that much sleep to function. Pretty soon you'll be on auto pilot. You'll be doing things and you won't even remember they happened. It's awesome; you'll love it.

But you say you are cranky and irritable and don't feel the least bit romantic or fun-loving? Well, isn't that all over rated? I mean my infant son isn't going to be crying through the night when he's fifteen? Right? ....... Right? I'll just get more sleep then. I'll have time and energy to exercise later (when I have no hopes of regaining my girlish figure.) You can wait, honey, right? Right? Where did my husband go.........................?

I know you feel desperate, like if you don't get your precious sleep you'll just crumble where you stand. You just have to put your head down and power through. And if you tell yourself enough that the feel of your cotton pillowcase again your weary cheek isn't as sweet as a ripe summer peach, and that your eyelids don't feel like heavy slabs of concrete, and that the sharp shrills of your sweet baby's cry telling you it's time to drag your butt out of bed again is just the sound of heaven itself, and that being up at 2 in the morning rocking the sweet babe while watching reruns of Psyche while the rest of the world is asleep feels completely normal then maybe, just maybe, you'll start to believe.

I believe. I don't need sleep. I don't need sleep. I don't need sleep. I don't...............zzzzzzzzzzzzz.