And The Story of Henry Continues......Part 3

And so the story of Henry continues. Christmas is not even a week in hindsight and I sit at the computer staring at the twinkling lights of our Christmas tree. Six months does go by faster than you think. Yet, it seems like just yesterday we were living in the NICU in a town that seemed a million miles away from home.

Amazingly enough, there was nothing really wrong with Henry except he needed to grow. He needed to learn to do things that he would have naturally done on his own if he'd been born "on time". I don't use the term "when he was supposed to be born" because he was born exactly when God had determined he would.

His lungs were underdeveloped and though he thankfully never had to be intubated he was put on a cpap machine. Preemies can't control their own oxygen levels and will forget to breath (They aren't suppose to do all that yet!) so that is why the cpap machine is needed. Two big plastic tubes went from the machines to his hose. I think one of the reasons he didn't have to be on the cpap that long was the steroids they gave me when I was first admitted to the hospital. After about a week or so he graduated from the cpap machine to the cannela in his nose. Now we could see more of his cute face without those huge tubes! The cannela tubes were much thinner.

Like I mentioned in the previous post, we could hold Henry. Andy and I would laugh because it seemed like he had about 20 cords running from his body to the machines monitoring him. Though at times I hated those cords I was so thankful for them. I knew they let the nurses know if he wasn't breathing or his oxygen levels were too low. Anytime his oxygen level would dip too low or he'd have an A&B episode, his monitor would go off. I will never forget the beeping sound. I despised the beeping sound but did get used to it. It seemed as if Henry was always beeping!! I knew that has long as he beeped, he wouldn't be coming home.

Though we were far from home we did have visitors. We had visitors from our church who happened to be in town. One of our pastor's wives and parent of one my students that year had a baby at 30 weeks. (My student was actually that baby!) Laurie drove all the way from Santa Rosa and brought me a preemie book and the sweetest monkey sleeper for Henry. My sister and brother -in- law flew all the way from Colorado to be with me and spend time with my mom. My mom had gone in for surgery unexpedtedly the day I had Henry. Because of that she couldn't travel. So my mom and dad wouldn't even meet Henry for another 3 weeks. Andy's great aunt and uncle also came for a couple of visits. Friends had come to visit me while I was on bedrest. Our friends, Rhett and Julie and had just adopted twin girls who were born just days before Henry. They were born in Roseville, of all places, at Sutter hospital. They were actually his first non-family visitors. Andy's parents and his sister, Claire, brought Lily up to Roseville the day Henry was born. She wasn't allowed in the NICU and wouldn't meet him for another 3 weeks but she came to hospital with us almost every day.

This was a bit of a turning point emotionally for me. Lily was able to stay with us from here on out. With me leaving Henry everyday in the hospital, if she would have left me again, I know I would have been horribly heart broken. We had to take turns sitting with her in the waiting room; but when we had family there, Andy and I were able to go in to see Henry together.

God provided two amazing surprises for us during this time. Years ago, Andy worked with a man named Chris. He and his wife had purchased a home for their retirement just 10 minutes from the hospital. They weren't living there yet and offered their house free of charge to us for as long as we needed it. It was a beautiful house with an amazing pool. They didn't live there yet and would go up on the weekends from time to time. So, there wasn't much furniture in it. Just a love seat, a couple of beds and some chairs. Lily called it the "empty house". It was a comfortable place to go to each night to get away from the hospital setting with a pool to relax in. There were some brief moments, with Lily and Andy splashing and laughing in the pool, where it kind of felt like a vacation. Kind of...

Second amazing God - thihg..... Andy's good friend from high school lived about 5 minutes from the hospital with her husband and two children. Heather and Andy had been classmates since elementary school. They were in each other's weddings and had stayed in touch over the years. Heather's parents also lived in the next town. Those two families were our family while we were there. They brought us dinner, had people from their church bring us dinner, and they watched Lily so we could be in the NICU together to visit Henry.

As I close this post for now, I am reminded and blown away again at how faithful my God is. You know, you read about it in the Bible. You nod your head and mumble an amen when the preacher declares it from the pulpit. You feel a happy tug on your heart when others share their personal stories of God's faithfulness. But when you experience it in your own life, see it first hand and witness His love for you, it is overwhelming. What on the surface may seem like happenstance to others is everything to you. They aren't just details in Henry's story; they are miracles.

My Monday Favorites

Happy Monday and Happy December! I thought I’d try something new to mix things up. We’ll see how it goes. I wanted to do a post on some of my favorite things. For this first “My Favorites Monday” I thought I’d focus on one of my favorite things to do…. eat (and drink) of course.

I cannot go through the season without mentioning my favorite holiday drink in its special red cup. The peppermint latte and on occasion hot chocolate really hit the spot. And what is it about the red cup? Really! When I see the red cup it’s like the green light for the holiday season to begin.

Next, The Original Sweet Leaf Sweet Tea. I’m a bit of an ice tea snob. There’s not many sweet teas I like besides my own. So when I find one I like, I’m always on the lookout for all the places that carry it. This tea tastes like truly home brewed tea. And hey, another one of my favorite people happened to sneak into the pic.

My friend Emberli turned me onto this next great food find and I’m so glad she did. You can find these roasted potatoes in the frozen section at Trader Joe’s. Per her suggestion, I just take out what I need for my self (a little or a lot), warm them up in the micro for a few minutes, then roast them up in a pan on the stove for a few more. Whamo! Lightly seasoned and toasted home fries in about 5 minutes. Pretty awesome.

What are some of your favorite food finds?

Plenty To Be Thankful For

Thanksgiving is drawing to a close and Andy and I are closing out the holiday in style. The children are tucked into their beds and we are sitting on the couch eating leftovers and watching Planes, Trains and Automobiles. We watch this movie every Thanksgiving. It's a must see if you've never seen it.

To say I have a lot to be thankful for is such an understatement, especially this year. But as my family went around the table and each expressed what they were thankful for, I realized what a blessing I have in growing up in a Christian home. I'm so thankful that my parents, sisters, brother-in-laws and husband love the Lord and are walking with Him. We could talk openly and honestly about what God is doing in our lives. It's such a joy to pass that on to Lily and Henry.

I could go on for quite awhile about all the things I am thankful for but I'll keep it short and sweet. I am thankful for who I am in Christ. I am thankful that I do not have to walk through life just doing "whatever". God has a purpose and plan for each day of my life. I'm thankful for the hard stuff because it has changed me for the better. I'm thankful for my parents who never stop being parents. I'm thankful for my sisters who truly are my best friends. I'm thankful for my health and the health of my family.

I'm thankful for this guy and the joy he gives me each day
when he looks at me and smiles. I'm in love with those huge
eyes and little bald head. He's made our family complete.




This face says it all. This little girl is my joy. She's one of a kind and each day with her is an adventure. I feel so lucky to be her mom.











This handsome man is the guy I get to walk
through life with. I can't imagine taking this
journey with anyone else. Everyday he makes
laugh and he takes such good care of us.


Happy Thanksgiving!

Candy Doesn't Make Shots Better

Lily is somewhat of a drama queen. What girl isn’t, right? My sweet girl wears her heart on her sleeve and is very demonstrative in her affection. You know exactly how she feels by the various and often hilarious expressions on her face. So, it was no surprise that getting a shot was no different in its amount of drama than all the other events in Lily’s life.

This dramedy started a couple of weeks ago when we brought Henry in for his 4 month appointment. Lily was also getting a check-up. Her first question was, “Mom, am I getting a shot?”

I breathed a confident sigh of relief, “No, sweetie. Dr. Silver is just going to check how you are growing. Only Henry is getting shots.”

So, you can imagine my horror when Dr. Silver told me she was due for a couple of immunizations. You see, my daughter freaks out at the slightest stub of the toe. It’s quite over the top and we are working on her controlling her freak outs. But she’s three and a girl. It’s a process.

Since we had to come back next week for another shot Henry had to get (poor guy!) and we all had to get flu shots, I just figured we do it then. I had adamantly told her several times that there would be no shots today. I could and wouldn't go back on my word.

Fast forward to the following week. While parking the car in the lot I was feeling hopeful that she could get the flu mist thus avoiding a scene. The subject of shots came up again. “I don’t want to get a shot,” she declared from the back seat. “But when you get shots, you get candy!” was my quick comeback. “Candy doesn’t make shots better!” Andy and I glanced at one another. The jig was up! Candy…. My bribe of choice wouldn’t be an option. Beads of sweat started to form on my brow. I was praying the flu mist would be acceptable and we could avoid the dreaded needle. Silly, hopeful, foolish me.

Of course, because of Henry’s high susceptibility to catch various things (poor little man!) Lily had to get a shot. The flu mist was a no-go. “Lil, listen. Daddy and I are each going to get a flu shot and then you are, okay?”

“No can do!” Giggle, Giggle.

“Sweetie, you do have to get a shot today. But Daddy and I will go first and you’ll see that it doesn’t even hurt.”

“No can do!” Smile, Smile.

I’m no rookie, though. I then pulled out of the diaper bag my secret weapon…. Wait for it…. the candy necklace! That’s right. Her favorite candy that she hardly ever gets. I was hoping what she had said in the car earlier would all be forgotten when she saw it.

The smile quickly turned to panic. This girl wasn't budging. She shook her head and refused to come close to me. So I began to open the package and stretch out the necklace that wasn’t stretching out enough. This would never fit over her head!
That’s when the unthinkable happened. Now please, imagine this in slow motion because that’s how it seemed to me. With a soft snap of the string the tiny pieces of candy that were my only hope fell on the dirty hospital floor, save for the few pieces I desperately grasped in my hand.

Things did not go well after this. There was screaming and shrieking and me stuffing candy in her mouth. It wasn’t pretty; but I had expected as much. Henry than got his shot and cried (my sweet little trooper) for about 45 seconds. Lily was still whimpering 45 minutes later.

Well, we all know that a trip to the donut shop fixes just about any problem. So, for being so “brave” that’s where we went and it helped considerably. I know, I know, she wasn’t very brave. But see, I’m prepping her for next week when we have to go back to get those immunizations!!!

I’m thinking money next time. Any suggestions?

Life in the NICU: The Story of Henry Part 2

As I continue the story of Henry’s birth and our new life as NICU parents, I’m sitting at my dining room table looking out onto a delightfully rainy day. I like the dreary days sometimes. You need them. They are cozy.

Though I love summer days as well, we spent most of our hot Roseville summer days in an air-conditioned hospital. Life in a hospital is like pressing the pause button on regular life. Everything else just stops or it seems non-existent. Your normal daily habits disappear and new ones take their place. There is no taking out the garbage or emptying the dishwasher. There is no doing your hair or making sure you put mascara on before you leave the house. There is no Sunday morning church or going over the grandparent’s house for dinner. Everything just gets put on hold and you don’t know for how long. Even the warm days of summer couldn’t penetrate the walls of this new world we found ourselves in.

When I woke up after surgery, the first thing I remember was… I am in a lot of pain! I didn’t feel this pain with Lily after her c-section! Because of Henry’s rushed entrance into this world, they didn’t have time to give me a spinal. All I will say about this is the pain was almost unbearable. It took a while; but once they gave me the little device where I could push the magic button and administer my own meds I was very thankful. I would have done a happy dance if I could have.

We figured out later that before Andy had even left Santa Rosa, Henry had been born. So when I woke up from surgery Andy hadn’t arrived yet even though he had driven at break-neck speed ( 85 mph to be exact) to get there. I was so relieved to see him when he did come. Chris, Andy’s dad, had been following behind him. So when Andy went to the NICU to see Henry, Chris stayed with me. It was so nice to have my family around me.

It’s hard to explain what it felt like to see Henry for the first time. It was very surreal and honestly, at four months later, a little blurry around the edges. They wheeled me downstairs to the NICU and into one of the 8 NICU rooms. Each room had 4 -6 babies in them. Some of the babies were in isolets, or space pods as Andy and I called them, and some babies were in open cribs. I don’t clearly remember exactly what I thought at that moment. It just hadn’t quite sunk in that he was was in this little plastic cage and not in my arms. He had so many tubes and Iv’s and cords attached to him. I could barely see his face because of the tube giving him oxygen and the tube that was taped to his cheek giving him food through his nose. I felt like I was in a movie. It didn’t seem real. But there he was, my little boy. And I was just so relieved that he was there, small… so small; but doing well.

Henry in is Isolet

Every three hours was the babies’ “care time”. This consisted of temperature check, diaper change and feeding. Parents were encouraged to do this when they came to the NICU. Andy and I could do everything but the feeding at that point. When he eventually started taking a bottle, we could feed him. We were encouraged to do skin to skin with Henry, or Kangaroo Care. Andy would take off his shirt and just hold Henry to his chest. I would just stick Henry down the from of my shirt! During this time, Henry slept A LOT! He was barely ever awake. But I knew that he knew our voices and smell even if he never opened his eyes during a visit.

We lived our life in increments of 3 hours. Every three hours (except during the night), we tried to come to his room, be with him and I would pump. It was exhausting. And I was very emotional. I cried all the time and once I started I just couldn’t stop.

I won’t lie. I loved seeing Henry and being with him. Each day my love for him just swelled up within me more and more. But this was not always a happy time. It seemed like there was no end in sight to this tiring routine. I was waking up during the night to pump and still recovering from surgery. And to top it all off, I got an infection and came down with a fever of 103 degrees the day after I had Henry. They had to put me on antibiotics until the fever went away. I was in the hospital for a whole week after Henry was born because of the fever.

There were many many moments when I thought I could not endure or that I physically and mentally did not have the strength to deal. God gave me many things to weather this time. First, I know there were many prayers being offered up for our family. Next, there was Lily. She was mine and Andy’s comic relief during this time. Her cheerful disposition and hilarious humor kept us smiling between the tears. She became quite a pro at choosing the right buttons on the elevators. We also had visitors (which I’ll touch on in the next post) from home. This was such an amazing encouragement. Last of all, but not the least by any means, God gave me my rock, Andy. He was and is my calm. He’s solid and steady and so strong. I don’t know what I would have done without him by side. He’s my perfect partner.

We are just a week from Thanksgiving and Lily and I have been talking about things that we can be thankful to God for. I can truly say that I am thankful for this experience. It taught me so much about leaning on God, about seeing how God gives us strength just for the day, sometimes just for the moment. Seeing just a little more clearly who my God is, though the lessons were hard, was and is a great gift.

Skin to Skin

Care Time

Never Really Alone: The Story of Henry Part 1

Our Little Miracle

C.S. Lewis said, “Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.”

And a miracle is what entered our lives on June 29^th at 1:20 a.m. Coming in at a whopping 3 pounds and 10 ounces and stretching out to 15 ¾ inches, Henry Christopher Bauer entered this world. Though at the time he was just Baby Boy Bauer or Pickles Bean as his big sister called him.

I’m writing this 4 months later and already I’m on the verge of tears. Thinking about how this amazing tiny person has now grown into a healthy 10 pound baby astounds me. When I think back on the events of that night and the many weeks to follow I’m overwhelmed by the faithfulness of my God and so grateful that He brought our family safely through this storm. I’m also overwhelmed in remembering the fear, the fatigue and uncertainty of that time.

I’ve been wanting to blog about several other things over the past months. But I knew I needed to write about this first. Or else it would be like an unfinished story. Writing about this seemed like such a large task to me that I finally needed to take the plunge and just do it or I would just never blog again!

Though I’ll spare you every nitty gritty detail here goes……

Andy had been by my side for weeks. But, he finally had to go home for fresh clothes. He was also going to pick up Lily and bring her back with him. If you read my earlier posts, you know how hard it had been for us to be away from her. He was going to be gone for one night, coming back the very next day. While Andy was home he got called in for an interview for a new job as a dispatcher for the sheriff’s office. Now, Andy was a deputy at this point; but circumstances (which is subject for a whole other post at some other time) made it necessary that he take this new job. So instead of coming back that evening we decided he should just stay the night, go to his interview and then drive up with Lily afterwards.

My biggest fear was that Baby Boy would come when Andy was not there. I feared I would be alone. But I had started to feel a little confident at this point. I hadn’t bled in several days and I seemed stable. The next five weeks just stretched out in front of me. I saw a lot of sitting, reading and cross stitching.

This was not to be. At about one o’clock the next morning, I woke up out of a deep sleep. I could feel it…. I was bleeding. It wasn’t like the other times. This was bad. I pushed my red nurses’ button; but stumbled right away to the bathroom. There I pulled on the emergency chord. I’ll spare my few readers all the gory details, but when several nurses and the doctors rush in and I was promptly hoisted onto a gurney. I knew the time had come. My biggest fear had come true. I was going to have a baby at 30 weeks and Andy wasn’t there.

Thankfully I only had about 15 minutes to worry; but in those 15 minutes my mind was racing and my heart was pounding. I was crying frantically but I managed to call Andy on my cell phone to tell him what was happening so he could drive up there as soon as he could. I remember thinking a few things: First of all, “This can’t be happening. I cannot have a baby this early.” Then honestly, and I don’t like to dwell on this thought ever but, I thought, “What if I didn’t make it? What if the baby didn’t make it? What if I didn’t see Andy or Lily ever again? Please Lord, let us be okay! I want to hold my son and see Andy and Lily again.” I felt very alone and scared. But in all the chaos, the voices of the nurses, the blurry mass of faces, the tugging and pulling, the frustration of not being able to speak with the oxygen mask over me, there was this little quiet voice that assured me, “Jen, you are not really alone.”

The last thing I remember hearing is someone saying, “You are going to feel a little pressure on your chest.” The next thing I knew I was waking up in the recovery room with two nurses next to me. “How is he?” I asked. He was fine. Everything was okay. God had chosen to answer my desperate prayer.

The story isn’t over yet; but I think this is a good place to stop. As this is November, the month we all seem to focus on being thankful. I’m thankful for my little Miracle. He is evidence of God’s perfect creation and the sanctity of Life. I am so thankful for my family and each day I get to spend with them. The hard days, the happy days, and even the mundane. I am most thankful for a God that never leaves us. He is unconditionally faithful. He holds our hand and wraps his loving arms around us. With Him we are never truly alone.

A Matter of Perspective

My perspective on many things have changed drastically in the last month, obviously. Case in point:

At the beginning of June, I was put on “modified” bed rest. That meant I could only get up to go to the bathroom, shower, and the occasional visit to the fridge. There was to be no prolonged time on my feet, no cooking, no doing dishes, no cleaning, no picking up anything remotely heavy, no trips unless I was going to my doctor’s appointments.

Part of me should have been jumping up and down and shouting from the roof top. No housecleaning! Wahoo! But, no. I cried everyday. My freedom had been ripped away; all my plans dashed. The realization that I couldn’t do all the mommy-daughter things with Lily that I had planned was devastating to me. I didn’t think it could get any worse.

I didn’t think it could get any worse.

As I sit in my hospital bed, staring outside at a strange city, 2 hours away from home, I’d give my left leg to be home and couch bound. I count down the days until I can see my Lily. My point of view has changed.

I’ll be 30 weeks on Tuesday. My doctor said she’ll do a C-section at 35 weeks, 36 at the latest. Ok, do the math. 5 ½ to 6 ½ weeks is 38-45 more days. Then we add the 12 days I’ve been here. On many days those numbers have been overwhelming. I’ve uttered the words, “I cannot do this!” MANY times. Just ask Andy!!

My perspective changed, though, when one of my nurses told me about the other mom here who has a previa, like me. She’s only 25 weeks along, she’s been here since week 22, and she’s on complete bed rest. That means bed pans and sponge baths.

I didn’t think it could get any worse. But, it can. And I’m thankful that it’s not.

Lily came for a visit yesterday. It was the first day I was allowed to go outside, in a wheelchair. I had half an hour. Now, I know that’s not much. Heck, prisoners get at least an hour of yard time every day! But when you have not been outside your room for 12 days, ½ hours is solid gold. To feel the sun on my skin and breathe real air…….I’ll take it.

Lily thought it was an awesome ride. “Wheel us around, Dad! This is a fun ride!” You know what? As simple as that little ride was; I felt the same way. My point of view had changed.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t always feel so positive. There’s tears most days and me asking God, “Why me?” But He’s teaching me and I’m learning. I just hope and pray that when all is said and done, when baby is out, when we are back at home and things are “normal” again, I won’t get mad and frustrated when little things don’t go my way. I did that a lot. I know I won’t turn into this perfectly calm and level-headed Stepford person. But I hope I will remember these lessons and be different.

Day #5 Blog Challenge

Day 5- A blog

I got a little distracted from my blog challenge for the month. So, I’ll try to resume and maybe I’ll finish before the baby comes.

Today’s topic- a blog.

I do follow a few different blogs; but I’ll share one that I was just introduced to the other day by my friend Karri. I’ve only read a few posts; but I think this will be one I keep up with.

http://allthingshendrick.blogspot.com/

This family are missionaries to Haiti. I really like her style of writing and she sounds like me or you! I think it's worth checking out.

Life at Hotel Kaiser

I thought I’d do another post on hospital life, a positive one.

I really need to stay positive today because Lily left with her grandparents and I won’t see her for at least a few days. This is harder than I could have imagined, being away from her. So…. the name of the game today is to think happy thoughts.

There are some perks to being in a hospital on bed rest. While I hate not being able to anything for myself…. I don’t have to do anything!!! Here’s the Top Ten Perks to living in Hotel Kaiser.

1.) I get every meal brought to me. No cooking no clean –up. (Yes, it is hospital food; but I’m focusing on the positive here!)

2.) They change my linen everyday! If only my family had it that good!

3.) If I need the tiniest thing, a cup of ice, an extra pillow- you name it!, I press a little red button and someone comes within seconds.

4.) Someone cleans my bathroom and mops my floor everyday.

5.) My number one job (and only job) is to relax! When’s the last time someone has told you that?

6.) I’ve spent more time alone with Andy in the last week than I have in the last year and a half. (With him going to Academy and then right into FTO, alone time has been few and far between.)

7.) The hospital is air conditioned; my house is not.

8.) I’m always in charge of the remote control. Hey, who’s going to argue with a pregnant, bed-ridden lady?

9.) Being here has put some things in my life back into the correct perspective; that I think were a little out of wack. I am forced to focus on what is truly important and the other stupid fluffy stuff just doesn’t matter; it falls by the wayside.

10.)Hey, I thought 9 was pretty good. I am in a hospital after all!

PICC Line Anyone?

I’ve been in the hospital for one week. Every morning I wake up and it feels like a dream. I just want to go back to sleep, wake up again, but be in my own bed. Since summer started, Lily has been crawling into bed with me each morning, we talk and cuddle, and then she always says, “Let’s go into the living room and watch cartoons.” Every morning. I miss that.

But yesterday was Father’s Day and Andy went home to pick up Lily. They were able to have lunch together and she gave him a big hug and a hearty “Happy Father’s Day!” It wasn’t the ideal Father’s Day; but this past week has been such a blaring reminder of what an amazing dad and husband Andy is. I’ve seen, that to Andy, family is the most important thing. He’s had to stop everything, right in the middle of his field training to take care of me. And he’s always had a smile on his face, always been calm and collected. Just what I need.

So I must talk about hospital life and I must laugh about it.

This is what I’ve learned: If you want rest, don’t come to a hospital. Let me give you an example by recounting the last two days. There is some blood involved. So, if you are faint of heart, you may want to skip this part!

After Andy left to go back to S.R., they came in to take out my IV port that they had put in the day before. It was really irritating my hand and I couldn’t use it. This was no good, so they had put a new one in my other hand. Now they were taking out that one to put in a PICC line. A PICC line goes up high on your arm. Now, I don’t have to be poked when they draw blood or if they have to give me meds. It just goes through the pick line.

Now, I wasn’t prepared for this little procedure. I thought, they’ll just stick it in, lickety split. Not exactly. 2 nurses came in with shower caps and masks and covered me with a blue sheet and shielded my face. They brought in an ultrasound machine to find a good vein along with a various assortment of dressings and tubes.

“Whoa, whoa, now wait a minute, people. Is this going to hurt? No one told me we were having an impromptu surgery here!”

When they told they would numb the arm, I calmed a bit. “I can do this, I can do this. What time I am afraid I will trust in you.”

I have to admit, I was pretty brave. I even looked a little…. Until I saw some blood.

Things went well, until later that day when my heart started racing. “Am I having a heart attack? What now?” On the monitor I watched my heart rate go up to 197 beats a minute. Once it even went up to 200. “Well, this isn’t normal!” Fortunately these little “episodes” don’t last long; though they are a little disconcerting. I guess the catheter just aggravates that area sometimes. Not much can be done about it.

Lil came later and that made everything better. After she left Andy and I couldn’t go to sleep for a long time. Around 12 we finally went to sleep, only to be awakened at 1 a.m. to take a chest xray. (to check the pick line) “Hmmm….you couldn’t do this at 10 or 11 o’clock last night????” I went back to sleep to be awakened again at 6 a.m. for them to draw blood. Then at 7 a.m. so they could do an EKG. At this point, I have to laugh or I am going to cry. “Couldn’t we coordinate these little “drop ins” a little better?”

To go back to sleep now was pointless. So my sweet nurse brought me graham crackers and hot tea and I decided to start my day a little early.

I’m recording this so that in 3 months when I’m up at 2 a.m. feeding Bauer Boy and feeling sick and tired, I can think back to this time and say, “If I could do hospital life; I can do this - piece of cake.”

Our New Summer Home - Roseville

I don’t even know how to begin this post. A big part of me does not even want to write at all. But I know writing about this time in my family’s life, in my life, may help me get through the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

Mine and Andy’s new address is room #334, Kaiser Hospital, Roseville, California. This will be our home for the next couple of months. The thought of me not seeing my house, my dog, my friends or my town until August (most likely) makes me sad. The thought of not seeing my family and especially my daughter for days at a time makes my heart break into pieces.

But the thought of having a baby at 28 weeks is scary. And so I’m thankful that we are in a place where if Bauer Boy comes early, we are in a place equipped to care for a baby that small.

So here’s the 411. I have placenta previa which makes you bleed and can cause lots of problems when a baby is born. One of the problems being having very premature baby, which brings a hosts of potential probems. The other being hemorrhaging when the baby is born. There’s not much I can do besides be as still as possible. Even then, there’s no guarantee there won’t be bleeding. I’ve been called “a ticking time bomb”; but the most common term is “high risk”. After the 3^rd bleed, they told me I had to stay in the hospital until the baby is born. Santa Rosa unfortunately is not equipped to care for babies earlier than 34 weeks. So, Roseville, was the closest place we could go.

This past week, I’ve said a verse over and over again. "What time I am afraid I will trust in you." I’ve been poked and prodded. My arms and hands look like pincushions. I’ve been on some heavy drugs that have made me feel sick and disoriented. I’ve also been moments away from being wheeled into the operating room. I’ve been scared and just plain miserable. But I’ve held on to that verse. I’ve never been alone. God has been with me and Andy has held me hand the whole time.

My posts may not always be happy; but I won’t always be happy. I hope I can always be thankful, though.

So here are some happy, funny highlights from my week:

v The first time I got to take a shower and wash my hair! The best feeling ever!!

v The first time they let me eat! It had been two days. Pregnant lady + 2 days of no food= torture

v All of my nurses have been very, very nice and actually kind of mothering. This is so great when you feel horrible and far from home.

v After 5 days, my awesome husband helped me SHAVE MY LEGS! Enough said.

For every day the baby can stay in the womb, they say it will be 3 less days in the NICU. So here's to another day in Roseville, another day of being pregnant!

Day #4- Blog Challenge

Me and my sis

My sister, Me, Lil and Niece Lauren

Day 5- Someone I miss

First, let me just say that if today had been Day #4 of the challenge my goal would have been for me to make it to 36 weeks before I have this baby. Now, I’m not sure if that’s just wishful thinking.

So I write today’s challenge from my hospital bed. 2 visits in 2 weeks. If I have to go back again, I get to stay in the hospital until Bauer Boy is born. Let’s pray that this is the only blog I write from a hospital bed!

Ok, someone I miss. Easy. My sister, Patricia. Growing up we lived in the same town (after she got married). Then they moved to South Dakota for a few years. Then they moved back to California and moved to Santa Rosa where I joined them a few years later. Up until about 6 years ago, we taught together at RVC and one year we even taught 3^rd grade together (She had one section and I had the other.). 6 years ago her family moved to Colorado.

The last time I went to visit her (last summer), Lily and I took a girl’s trip together. We had so much fun. My niece (Lauren), Patricia and I went to see a movie. The movie was sweet and predictable. It was “ok”; but seeing it with them was hilarious! When my sister and I get together we are very silly. I miss the silliness.

I love to see her play with Lily as well as my niece and nephew and brother – in –law. I wish Lily could be with them more often. She comes to visit us, too. But visits are few and far between. I’m actually supposed to be in Colorado this week with Lily. But due to this darn bed rest, we will have to use the tickets another time.

I can talk to my sister about anything, more than I can with anyone else. So I miss her not being around even though she is just a phone call away.

It’s funny because when I was little, she was just like another mom to me (She’s nine years older.); but as the years have progressed she’s truly become my dearest friend. Love you, sister.

Day # 3- Blog Challenge

Day 3- A thing that’s on your mind.

Yikes. Just one thing?

What isn’t on my mind these days?

Since I sit most of the day and am not nearly as busy as I usually am, I’ve found that I have plenty of time to think. At times, my thoughts (which almost always turn into worries) run willy nilly in my mind.

I don’t like it.

But I guess one big thing that’s been on my mind (besides the constant prayer of, “Lord, just let me make it to at least 36 weeks. Please!”) is the fact that God doesn’t bring situations or people into our lives for no reason. There is always a reason; there is always a plan.

I know He’s trying to teach me a lot through this pregnancy. Faith being the big one. And I know through the next several weeks He’ll show more, if I just take the time to really listen. The last two weeks, I’ve had my own church at home. I’ve been listening to sermons on line and some Charles Stanley on the t.v. Both weeks, the idea of us being too busy have been main points in the lesson. Too busy to pray, too busy to spend time reading God’s Word, too busy to notice the needs of people around us. Maybe that’s the other lesson God is literally forcing me to learn.

Well, that’s it. I could go on; but the challenge was one thing. And you probably don’t want to know everything on mind. That could be a little scary!!

Day #2 Blog Challenge

Day 2 – A Hobby

I know that I'm supposed to blog everyday; but I've been busy. You know, all that sitting around on the couch!

Well, this one is kind of sad. Because when I really thought about it, I realized I don’t have one. I always say I like to read and scrapbook; but I rarely ever do these things. I read… for work. I scrapbook some in the summer. Honestly, I always brought work home. In my free - time, I just tried to spend time with Andy and Lily.

Now that I’m couch bound, I’ve picked up cross stitching again. I plan on doing that this summer and I do plan on scrapping. So, here’s my chance to find a hobby again and now I have time to actually do it.

Here’s what I’m cross stitching. And, yes I started this right around the time we got married. And, yes that was almost 11 years ago!!!!

30 Day Blog Challenge

Okay, first of all, I'm totally stealing this idea from my friend, Jamie.
I felt like I could use a little structure to help me blog. So here goes. Though I may squeeze in other posts, here and there, that aren't part of the challenge.

Day 01 –A paragraph about yourself.

Day 02 - A hobby.
Day 03 – A thing thats on your mind.
Day 04 – A goal.
Day 05 – A person you miss.
Day 06 – A blog.
Day 07 – A picture of you when you were little.
Day 08 - A pet peeve.
Day 09 – A show.
Day 10 – A insecurity.
Day 11 – A actor.
Day 12 – A thing that worries you.
Day 13 – A list of favorite memories.
Day 14 – A bad habit.
Day 15 – A wish.
Day 16 - A picture you took.
Day 17 – A secret.
Day 18 – A thing your afraid of.
Day 19 – A recipe.
Day 20 – A picture of your “crew”.
Day 21 – A dream you had recently.
Day 22 – A thing you do every day.
Day 23 – A meme.
Day 24 – A topic that makes you think.
Day 25 – A song.
Day 26 – A thing you want to do before you die.
Day 27 – A thing that makes you mad.
Day 28 – A quote.
Day 29 – A place that gives you wanderlust.
Day 30 – A future.

Day 1 - A paragraph about me.

Oooh, these are always hard. Well, I'm a thirty something mom and wife. Born in San Francisco, I grew up going to church and school in the city. We lived in the beach side town of Pacifica; but commuted almost every day. I have a truly amazing husband who is my perfect match in every way. I have a beautiful 3 1/2 year old daughter who keeps me laughing and on my toes. I look like I've swallowed a watermelon because I'm 6 months pregnant with number #2. I'm a Christian and was thankfully raised in a Christian home. My faith is not part of who I am; it is who I am. I'm an elementary teacher who, very recently, has taken an indefinite break from teaching to stay home with the kiddos. I love to watch movies and spend time with my family and friends. I used to love to read and scrapbook once upon a time. Oh yeah, I like to write. I think I'm pretty funny. Or at least, I try to be. And most importantly, I love bread! Well, it's not the most important thing; but I thought I'd throw that in there. Okay, that's me.

One, Two, Three Ouch!

So, I'm posting twice today. Hey, I'm just on the couch. I have a lot of time on my hands.

I must write about something very unpleasant I had to do yesterday. I failed my glucose test that I took in the hospital the other day. So I had to take the much longer 3 hour one on Friday. They draw blood, then you drink a bottle of super sweet sugary orange punch. Then for the next 3 hours, they draw your blood once every hour. (Sounds super fun, doesn't it?)

4 blood draws in all. Not my first choice to spend the morning; but I got to get out the house and walk around for a bit.

The most important task that morning though was to decide what to wear. So what does one wear to a 3 hour glucose test? It was chilly and I wanted to be comfortable. I was going to have to sit and wait for quite awhile. I couldn't wear my pajama pants. (I know people do that, but I have a problem with people being so lazy that they can't even throw on a pair of jeans before they leave the house. I'm not down with that!) I didn't want to wear my jeans.... again.

I decided to break out the brown velour sweat pants and matching brown hoodie. (Chocolate brown for you visual people) Now, I'm not one to don the velour, ever. I'm simply not that bold. But it was passed on to me from a formerly pregnant friend. It was cute, comfy and didn't have "juicy" bedazzled across the rear, so I thought I could pull it off.

After the first blood draw I decided to wait in the main lobby next to the coffee cart. Yes, the coffee cart with it's delicious aromas and baked goodies staring at me through their glass prisons calling, "Free me, eat me!" Did I mention this was a fasting test? I hadn't eaten since 10 the night before?!? I'm crazy, I know.

So what did I do for those 3 hours? Well, I spent the first hour reading a magazine, trying not to fall into a hunger induced coma. The second hour, I spent jotting down these very words so I could blog them later. I also spent the time debating on whether to get up to use the bathroom or not, fearing I'd lose my primo double wide chair under the skylight. The third hour, I spent catching up on the Royal Wedding news. There was was a whole issue of Time dedicated to the two love birds. Very interesting actually.

All in all, it wasn't that bad. Time went by faster than I thought. And most importantly, my knight in shining armor picked me up in the parking lot with hamburger and french fries in hand.

Just 94 Days to Go!

Just 94 days to go! That's when Bauer Boy should make his grand entrance. (That's what I have to call him since Andy and I are no where close to agreeing on a name.) I can't believe I'm down to mere weeks. 13 1/2 to be exact.

This also means 94 days to be on the couch. I'm still in a bit of shock to be quite honest. One day I'm in my classroom packing things up and sorting papers, thinking of all my summer plans that I'm about to embark on. Next day, I find myself at Kaiser lying in a hospital bed only being able to get up to use the bathroom.

Because of the placenta previa I have and the fact that I started bleeding (And I just have to say, it didn't seem like that much to me. But according to the doctor it was enough) I am now on bed rest for the next 94 days.

94 days seems like forever.

I will be very honest, I really haven't been able to see the silver lining in this. I've been....blue.

Pity Party for one, calling Pity Party for one!

First of all, I am SO THANKFUL that Bauer Boy is fine. He's moving and kicking and looks great. When I get to feeling sorry for myself or mad that I can't do the things I was looking forward to doing, I remind myself (as the doctor did) that I don't want to have a baby at 26 weeks. He's still safe inside, cooking away, as he should be.

It was all the things I was looking forward to doing, especially with Lily. Our family vacation and trip to see my sister in Colorado... cancelled. Going to the library and working in the garden with Lily.... cancelled. I could go on, but I won't. I have to look at the bright side or this will be one sad summer.

Be at rest once more, oh my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. Psalm 116:7 This verse has been comforting to me. The Lord has been good. I have lots and family and friends around to help. Andy, who up until now has worked graveyard shifts, is on the day shift for the next month. How awesome is that?? I won't be alone at nights. No dishes to do or cleaning the bathroom. All I have to do is fold the laundry, not put it away (which was the part I hated doing).

It's just 94 days, right? A drop in the bucket in the big scheme of things.

Things don't "just happen". And I know that. God has a reason and something to teach me and the people around me.